


A Whole New World, Built From Scratch

by TheMissluluB



Series: Log Of Pesterlogs [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Minecraft, Multi, Pesterlog, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, This Crackfic has a plot, minecraftstuck, more mini games!, overprotective moirails, too many references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 07:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11054289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMissluluB/pseuds/TheMissluluB
Summary: The Gang Star in a Fresh New Comedy: In-Game Minecraft Shenanigans!((For HSWriter's Prompt!)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wholeheartedly blame DK for this fics existence. 
> 
> Fuck you DK, but also Thank you DK, you are amazing.
> 
> Now officially edited and fixed. the edits aren't as major as the CTS edits, just minor spacing :P

Entity [Maplehoof] Deleted!

CT: D --> How c001d you  
[MOD]TT: I swear to God, it was an accident.  
CT: D --> YOU DELETED MAPLEHOOF  
CT: D --> Do you know how long Nepeta trialled in that dungeon for a saddle for her?  
[MOD]TT: I can fix this.  
[MOD]TT: I’ll just spawn a new horse.  
CT: D --> IT’S NOT THE SAME!!  
[MOD]TT: Oh my God.  
AC: :// < what did you mew dirk?  
CT: D --> He deleted Maplehoof  
CT: D --> Dear Sweet Precious Maplehoof  
CT: D --> I’m so upset  
AC: :// < dirk...  
[MOD]TT: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!  


* * *

carcinoGeneticist: ~[CG]

carcinoGeneticist is known known as CG!

CG: DAVE FUCKING STRIDER.  
CG: CAN YOU PLEASE STOP BUILDING DICKS?  
TG: i cant karkat  
TG: i cant stop building dicks  
TG: its a part of my life force now  
TG: just huge towers of dicks  
TG: never ending dicks  
[MOD]TT: Hey, don’t forget to build some stairs  
TG: why would i need to build staiOH GOD

turntechGodhead fell from a high place!

TG: fuck  
TG: all that dick progress lost to the miracle that is gravity  
[MOD]TT: I warned you dogg.  
[MOD]TT: I warned you about the stairs.  
CG: HE TOLD YOU, DICKHEAD.  
CG: THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR THE NON-STOP BUILDING OF HUMAN DICKS.  
[MOD]TT: I mean, I think it improves the landscape, never ending dicks.   
[MOD]TT: Equius would approve.  
CT: D --> I’ve just logged on, what’s going on in this thread  
CT: D --> Oh that’s a lot of  
CT: D --> Phal100ses  
CT: D --> Are you planning an Art Festival?  
TG: i  
[MOD]TT: Oh my God.  
~{MOD}~TT: Yes Dave, are you planning an Art Festival?   
TG: oh go back to shooting arrows into the air rose  
~{MOD}~TT: I wasn’t shooting them into the air.  
~{MOD}~TT: I was shooting them at the mobs on the mountain near us.   
TG: rose i was referencing a song omg  
TG: learn your fucking minecraft culture jfc  
~{MOD}~TT: I would but unlike you, I don’t have the time to spend watching various YouTube videos featuring Minecraft YouTubers, as you so often call them.  
TG: you say that as if i watch them religiously  
~{MOD}~TT: Don’t you?   
TG:   
TG: no  
[MOD]TT: This is why you don’t have creative mode privileges, Dave. You spend too much time watching Minecraft YouTubers.  
[MOD]TT: That and the fact you crashed the entire server by unloading a shit load of TNT.   
TG: it was worth it  
~{MOD}~TT: Was it really?  
TG: fuck yeah  
CT: D --> So there isn’t an Art Festival?  
[MOD]TT: No Equius.  
CT: D --> Then why are there so many phal100ses?  
[MOD]TT: Just because, Equius.  
[MOD]TT: Just because.  


* * *

~{ADMIN}~tipsyGnostalgic: guys ive udated the map a lil bit  
~{ADMIN}~tipsyGnostalgic: added a few extral lil items in everyones chests ;)  
~{ADMIN}~TA: fuckiing hell RX change your fuckiing niickname to TG liike everyone el2e, jeez.  
~{ADMIN}~tipsyGnostalgic: i dun want 2  
~{ADMIN}~TA: plea2e, for everyone’2 2ake.  
~{ADMIN}~tipsyGnostalgic: fiiiiine *rollz eyes*  
~{ADMIN}~tipsyGnostalgic: ~[~{ADMIN}~TG]

~{ADMIN}~tipsyGnostalgic is now known as ~{ADMIN}~TG!

~{ADMIN}~TA: THANK YOU.  
AC: :?? < whats this egg do?  
~{ADMIN}~TG: ;)  
AC: :?? < *ac presses the egg to see what it does*  
AC: :OO < !!!  
AC: :DD < !!!!!  
~{ADMIN}~TG: :D  
AC: X33 < SO MANY KITTIES!!!!!!!  
~{ADMIN}~TA: RX why.  
~{ADMIN}~TG: gotta love me some sweet kitties  
~{ADMIN}~TA: RX 2HE’LL CRA2H THE 2ERVER WIITH THE AMOUNT OF KIITTIIE2 2HE’2 2PAWNIING!!  
~{ADMIN}~TG: ;) ;)  
~{ADMIN}~TA: II’M REVOKIING YOUR ADMIIN RIIGHT2

~{ADMIN}~TA has changed ~{ADMIN}~TG’s nickname to ~{MOD}~TG!

~{ADMIN}~TG: ;) ;) ;) ;)  
~{ADMIN}~TA: _HOW THE FUCK._  
~{ADMIN}~TG: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)   
~{ADMIN}~TA: DON’T PULL THAT 2HIIT ON ME RX.  
~{ADMIN}~TG: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)   
~{ADMIN}~TA: Y  
~{ADMIN}~TA: you’re fuckiing extendiing your wiinky face2 by a multiiple of two ii feel 2o played riight now.  
~{ADMIN}~TG: ehehehe  
~{ADMIN}~TG: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)  
~{ADMIN}~TA: FUCK  
AC: :DD < KITTENS FOR EFURRYONE!!!!!!

Connection Loss!  
You spawned too many cats.

* * *

AG: I’m going to 8e the first to get to the nether!!!!!!!!  
AG: Fuck Y’all!!!!!!!!  
GC: YOU’R3 JUST GO1NG TO D13 4S SOON 4S YOU R34CH 1T  
AG: Why do you say that?  
GC: 3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3  
AG: Terezi.  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3  
AG: TELL ME!!!!!!!!  
GC: NO. >:]  


* * *

CG: TEREZI, YOU HAVE BEEN QUIETLY GIGGLING FOR DAYS NOW.  
CG: WHY?  
GC: YOU’LL S33, K4RKL3S  
GC: YOU’LL S33  
AG: THERE!  
AG: Now to light it........  
AG: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

arachnidsGrip has entered the Nether!

AG: FIRST!!!!!!!!  
AG: Now to get some sweet loOH SHIT

arachnidsGrip has drowned in lava!

GC: 444444H4H4H4H4H4H4H44H4H4  
GC: 4H4H4H4H4H4H44H4H4H4H4!  
GC: 1 KN3W 1T  
GC: 1 FUCK1NG KN3W 1T!!  
AG: F8CK Y8U TER8ZI!!!!!!!!  
GC: 444444444444444H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
GC: 1 W4RN3D YOU!  
CG: JESUS, TEREZI!  
CG: YOU’RE CACKLING RIGHT IN MY EAR!  
GC: *C4CKL3S H4RD3R*  
CG: I’M MOVING SEATS.

carcinoGeneticist has left the world!

GC: *C4CKL3S 3V3N H4RD3R*

* * *

TC: WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME YOU COULD MAKE CAKE ON THIS GAME????  
TG: what  
TG: you can make cake  
TG: i thought the cake was a lie  
TC: wait it is?  
TC: can i trust this cake?  
TC: i mean i made it but.  
TC: can i trust it?  
TG: trust no one not even your cake  
GG: Hmm?  
TG: especially not _her_ cake  
TC: what happened.  
GG: Oh, nothing!  
TG: SHES WORSE THAN JOHN RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN  
EB: whoa whats happening in this thread?  
CT: D --> Oh, hello  
EB: oh hi!  
CT: D --> It appears you have spawned right ne%t to me  
EB: seems i have! what are you doing?  
CT: D --> I’m attempting to get more coal  
CT: D --> I’m currently failing  
EB: maybe cause you need a pick axe.  
CT: D --> A what  
EB: a pick axe!  
CT: D --> Aren’t my fists STRONG enough?  
EB: maybe in real life but not in minecraft.  
EB: gotta do every thing the hard way!  
CT: D --> How  
CT: D --> How does one _acquire_ a pick a%e?  
EB: uh...  
EB: do you have any wood?  
CT: D --> What.  
EB: like.  
EB: tree wood?  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> A lot, a%ually  
CT: D --> 64 and 13 blo%  
EB: do you have a crafting table?  
CT: D --> Nepeta?  
AC: :33 < yes to the crafurrting table  
CT: D --> Then yes  
EB: *sigh.*  
EB: this is going to be a long day.  
CT: D --> But it’s night  
EB: OH FUCK!  
CT: D --> What’s the problem?  
CT: D --> OH  
CT: D --> OH NO  
EB: FUCK FUCK FUCK!  
CT: D --> BE CAREFOAL!  
EB: OH NO!!

centaursTesticle fell from a high place!

TG: fucking owned  
CT: D --> YOU PUSHED ME!  
EB: SORRY!  
CT: D --> >B(  
CT: D --> I don’t even know where I was  
EB: uh...  
EB: i dont know either.  
EB: you didnt exactly create a path to find this place.  
EB: or home.  
EB: but on the bright side i killed that

ectoBiologist was killed by a Skeleton!

EB: FUCK!!  
CT: D --> Well  
EB: oh well.  
CT: D --> John I no longer have wood.  
EB: oh no.  
CT: D --> Oh no  
TC: WHY AM I DYING?  
GG: Try eating the cake.  
TC: oh.  
TC: that fixed that.  
EB: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
CT: D --> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ectoBiologist was killed by a creeper!

centaursTesticle was killed by a creeper!

TG: oh my god

timaeusTestified fell through the world!

[MOD]TT: Whoops.  
TG: bro  
[MOD]TT: I didn’t think that would happen, okay?  
~{ADMIN}~TG: omg dirk yu fckin idiot lmfao  
[MOD]TT: *Sigh.*

~{ADMIN}~TG has changed [MOD]TT’s nickname to ~{MOD}~TT!

~{MOD}~TT: Ugh.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Heirs are up to something... I think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit i actually made a new chapter

CG: TEREZI, WHAT THE FUCK?  
GC: WH4T?  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.  
GC: 1 DON’T S33 WH4T YOUR PROBL3M 1S  
CG: YOU TAMED THE FUCKING ENDERDRAGON.  
CG: THE **ENDERDRAGON**.  
GC: SH3 1S MY P4RTN3R 1N JUST1C3  
CG: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?  
GC: >:]  
CG: SOLLUX, HOW THE FUCK DID SHE DO THAT?  
~{ADMIN}~TA: ii don’t know ii can’t fiigure iit out.  
~{ADMIN}~TA: iit 2houldn’t have happened.  
GC: 3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H33H3H3H3  
~{ADMIN}~TG: i cnt explain it eihter tbh??  
~{ADMIN}~TG: literly theres no expalanation at all  
~{ADMIN}~TG: howh rthe heckie, terepy>  
~{ADMIN}~TG: *?  
GC: FLY, PROF3SSOR 3ND3RSNOUT, FLY!!!  
GC: 4444444H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H444444  
CG: TEREZI, WHAT THE FUCK?????!  
GC: FOR JUST1C3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
CG: ***TEREZI NO!!!!!!!!!!!***

carcinoGeneticist was killed by the EnderDragon.

CG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

timaeusTestified fell through the world!

[MOD]TT: Not again.

* * *

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT] at 16:13! --

EB: so as i was saying in game, if we smelt all this sand in the furnace, we will get a ton of glass!  
CT: D --> Interesting.   
CT: D --> How did you figure this out, may I a%?  
EB: a%?  
CT: D --> Ask, apologies  
EB: oh! i read the wiki.  
CT: D --> You read the Wiki  
EB: yep!  
CT: D --> Why didn’t I think of that  
EB: sometimes you just need a little nudge in the right direction, you know?  
CT: D --> I suppose that’s correct, yes   
CT: D --> I understand that reasoning  
CT: D --> But I have a question  
CT: D --> Why do we need all this glass?  
EB: windows!  
EB: every house needs a window.  
CT: D --> Windows  
CT: D --> You made me get all this sand  
CT: D --> For Windows  
EB: you can use glass with other things, too!  
CT: D --> Name one.  
EB: lemme check the wiki.  
CT: D --> Oh my god  
EB: okay i got it.  
EB: you can make a beacon with it.  
CT: D --> What’s a beacon?  
EB: uuuhhhh  
CT: D --> Let me guess  
CT: D --> “I’ll check the Wiki?”  
EB: ...  
EB: maybe...  
CT: D --> Ugh.  
EB: ok so according to this, it says (this is copy-pasted shh!):  
EB: “Beacon blocks can function as light sources, emitting a light level 15. Like other light sources, they will melt snow and ice. They cannot be pushed by pistons.”  
EB: “When "activated", beacon blocks provide two unique functions:”  
EB: “An aesthetic landmark beam reaching into the sky, which can be visible from far away, and Powers, which give players status effects within a certain range.”  
EB: long story short i think they just tell you where home is.  
CT: D --> I suppose that is useful. The light is especially good   
EB: yeah!  
CT: D --> What does it require?  
EB: 5 glass, 3 obsidian, 1 nether-star.  
CT: D --> That doesn’t seem so bad  
EB: ...  
CT: D --> What?  
EB: and a pyramid of either iron, gold, emerald, or diamond blocks.  
CT:   
CT: D --> What.  
EB: the wiki says it doesn’t matter what type of block you use, or if you mix and match blocks.   
CT: D --> Oh. I suppose that isn’t as harrowing as I originally had thought  
CT: D --> The only trouble I can imagine running into is obtaining a NetherStar  
CT: D --> Considering we w001d first need to reach the nether  
CT: D --> And fight the boss there  
EB: didn’t vriska go to the nether?  
CT: D --> If I recall correctly she drowned in lava while Terezi laughed  
EB: how the heck are we even playing this game?  
CT: D --> I have no idea  


* * *

golgothasTerror has joined the world!

golgothasTerror: Hello, chums!  
[MOD]TT: Hey, Jake.  
[MOD]TT: Type “~[GT]”  
golgothasTerror: Hello there dirk! Lovely to see you again.   
golgothasTerror: Ill be going on to do that now.  
golgothasTerror: ~[GT]

golgothasTerror is now known as GT!

GT: Did that work?  
AT: uHH, i THINK IT DID,  
GT: Smashing!!  
GT: Ive never played this doohickey before how does it work?  
AT: iT’S PRETTY NICE, aCTUALLY,  
AT: pEACEFUL MOST OF THE TIME, aNYWAY,,,  
GT: Peace? Wheres the adventure in peace?  
GT: Is there ways of exploring?  
AT: tHAT’S LITERALLY, tHE POINT OF THE GAME, jAKE,  
GT: Outstanding!   
GT: This place truly is quite the remarkable game then what with both peace AND adventure!  
GT: Why im surprised i  
GT: Is that  
AT: wHAT,?  
GT: Uhm.   
GT: _Well._  
GT: Holy toledo that is a big dick.  
GT: *Loosens collar a little*  
AT: oH, yOU FOUND dAVE’S, uHH, “dICK mUSEUM”,  
TG: yo you found my dick museum?  
GT: Is that what this is?  
[MOD]TT: I’m teleporting to your area, Jake.  
GT: Youre what?  
GT: Oh.   
GT: Hello.  
[MOD]TT: Jake, what the fuck kind of skin is that?  
GT: Is that rainbow dash?  
[MOD]TT: Shut up.  
CT: D --> I KNEW IT!  
[MOD]TT: SHUT UP.  
[MOD]TT: YOU ARE _CLEARLY_ RARITY.  
CT: D --> At least I admit it, you Furry  
[MOD]TT: Oh, I’m the Furry.   
[MOD]TT: Me.  
[MOD]TT: You have horse porn over your walls, and _I’m_ the Furry.  
CT: D --> For the last time  
CT: D --> It’s _ART._  
CT: D --> It’s nowhere near pornographic, because the phalluses are theoretical  
[MOD]TT: Have you ever seen Human genetalia?  
CT: D --> Why are you a%ing me this?  
[MOD]TT: It’s important.  
CT: D --> Well, no. I have no reason to  
CT: D --> Why w001d I?  
[MOD]TT: Maybe you should sometime.   
[MOD]TT: Just saying.  
AC: :(( < dirk, no.  
[MOD]TT: Dirk, yes.  
GT: What have i gotten myself into?  


* * *

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT] at 20:30! --

EB: hey, you’re a mod to the server, right?  
TT: Yes...  
TT: John, why are you asking?  
EB: weird question, but can you spawn some withers for myself and equius please?  
EB: we need a netherstar for some beacons.  
EB: but first we need to go to the nether, and i think vriska’s already beat the boss there.  
TT: This is a big thing you’re asking here, John.  
TT: Two whole Withers.   
TT: Going to have to kick up your bribing game for this.  
EB: do you want a beacon or not?  
TT: ... Okay. Fair enough.  
TT: I’ll spawn 2 Withers if you send me a photo of yourself topless.   
EB:   
EB: okay.

ectoBiologist [EB] is idle.

TT: Wait, fuck. John, I was being ironic and not at all serious.  
TT: Why didn’t you just ask for a Netherstar, it would be easier than fighting two Withers.   
TT: For fucks sake.  


* * *

TG: welcome one and all to the magnificent dick museum  
TG: we’ve got dicks of all sizes on display  
TG: and all hand made from different materials, too  
TG: this one right here is the glorious gigantic diamond dick  
TG: place your bids now to become the owner  
TG: jk im not selling them  
CT: D --> Darn.  
TG: woah holy shit someones online  
TG: wait shouldnt you be asleep  
CT: D --> I do not have a healthy sleep schedule  
CT: D --> Besides, sleep is for the weak  
CT: D --> And I?  
CT: D --> I am STRONG  
TG: fair enough  
CT: D --> ... Sh001dn’t _you_ be asleep?  
TG: dick tours are open 24/7 i cant leave this shit unattended  
TG: assholes would come and steal it  
TG: like  
TG: hey imma steal this dick here i go  
TG: and cause no ones here theyd get away with it too  
TG: dick stealing thots  
TG: like lemon stealing whores, only they steal dicks  
CT: D --> I don’t understand a word of what you have typed  
TG: anyway back onto the tour cause apparently this thing has guests now  
TG: where the fuck are you, anyway  
CT: D --> I’m with John  
CT: D --> Say hello, John  
EB: hey, dave!  
TG: shouldnt you be asleep?  
EB: it’s only 2am dave shut up.  
TG: cant blame a guy for worrying  
TG: that doesnt explain where you are  
EB: well i’m waiting for dirk to come online.  
TG:   
TG: why  
EB: because shut up.  
EB: shut up is why.  
TG: oh my god  
EB: now continue your dick tour.  
TG: fine  
TG: over here we see the glory that is the emerald block dick made back when i was granted creative mode privileges  


* * *

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 03:14! --

CT: D --> So  
EB: so.  
CT: D --> How did you convince Dirk to spawn a Wither?  
CT: D --> Two, even?  
EB:   
CT: D --> What did you do?  
EB: i.   
EB: well.  
EB: he asked.  
EB: and.  
CT: D --> Oh gosh  
EB: it’s nothing too bad! just.  
CT: D --> What?  
CT: D --> You’re not hurt, are you?  
EB: what? no!   
EB: it’s just a little embarrassing!  
CT: D --> How so?   
EB: i just sent him a photo of myself.  
CT: D --> ?  
CT: D --> Why are you embarrassed about that?  
EB: uh. well.  
EB: i’ll just.

\--  ectoBiologist [EB] sent file “IMG_1025612.png” to  centaursTesticle [CT] ! --

EB: there. it’s done.  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> You are   
CT: D --> Shirtless  
EB: i know, it’s so embarrassing.  
CT: D --> Is that why you covered your face as you took the photo?  
EB: yeah.  
EB: god what did i do?  
CT: D --> ...   
CT: D --> And he a%ed for this  
EB: well. yeah.  
EB: i wouldn’t have sent it if he didn’t y’know.   
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> You 100k  
CT: D --> Nice  
EB: ehehe thanks, equius.  
EB: you’re a cool guy.  
EB: wait.  
EB: c001!  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Thank you?  
EB: :B  
CT: D -->   
CT: D --> B)  
EB: :D  


* * *

\--  centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]  at 03:33! --

CT: D --> NEPETA   
CT: D --> HELP ME   
CT: D --> I THINK I HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE  
CT: D --> THIS IS SO BAD

arsenicCatnip [AC] is idle!

CT: D --> NEPETA!!!

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 03:35! --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [where i got 'its just 2am' john line from](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/247901328695623680/307665501457350656/unknown.png)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nepeta consoles Equius and John reveals a thing which sends the entire world into chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a) not supposed to get this long and b) was supposed to be crack, damn it!
> 
> blame the meowrails for not stopping talking and john.
> 
> In fact, just blame John.

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT] at 14:30! --

AC: :33 < *AC crawls into her meowrails messages sn33kily, being extremely quiet*  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> What took you so long to reply   
CT: D --> Where were you  
CT: D --> Are you okay  
CT: D --> ?  
AC: :33 < *AC is so very quiet, stalking her purrey. before she pounces! bits of robot parts fly evefurrywhere, all left in imaginary disarray!*  
AC: :?? < wait... equius are you ok?  
AC: :?? < you havent told me to “Cease my f001ishness” yet  
CT: D --> Did you not get my messages  
CT: D --> I have been in what you w001d call a  
CT: D --> A predicament  
AC: 33: < what?? oh no!!! i didnt get any messages at all! im sorry, equius  
CT: D --> Do not worry. It is obviously the foalt of the internet service provider, or Trollian itself  
AC: :33 < _foalt?_  
CT: D --> SHH  
AC: :33 < equius, are you _flustered?_  
CT: D --> I HAVEN’T A C100 WHAT YOU C001D BE E100DING TO  
CT: D --> CEASE THIS UNNECESSARY LINE OF QUESTIONING AT ONCE  
AC: :33 < equiuuuuus  
CT: D --> SHH  
CT: D --> THERE IS NOTHING.  
AC: :33 < *AC gasps!*   
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> Why are you gasping  
CT: D --> There is nothing to gasp at  
AC: :33 < Do you have a _cruuuuush??_  
CT: D --> WH  
CT: D --> Nothing of what I have said w001d e100dicate a crush of any kind  
CT: D --> Where did this line of questioning come from  
AC: :33 < equius  
AC: :33 < am i wrong?  
CT: D --> I  
CT:  
CT: D --> I plead the fifth  
AC: :33 < wait r33lly???  
CT: D --> ... Perhooves.  
AC: :33 < !!!!  
AC: :33 < equius im so happy!!  
AC: :33 < who??  
CT: D --> It doesn’t matter, you have to make it _stop_  
CT: D --> It cannot coltinue to happen  
CT: D --> I canter-llow it to  
AC: :33 < equius youre acting silly, meow   
CT: D --> Meow for now is a good cat pun  
AC: :33 < dont change the subject  
CT: D --> Okay  
AC: :33 < good boy  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> This is  
CT: D --> _This is such a terrifoal situation I can’t handle this_  
CT: D --> I CAN’T!!!!  
CT: D --> MAKE IT STOP  
AC: 33: < is it really that bad?  
CT: D --> YES!!!  
AC: :?? < why?  
AC: :33 < i mean its not like your flushed for gamz33  
AC: :// < wait you arent are you?  
CT: D --> What, gosh no!  
AC: :33 < exactly! i dont see why youre so worried!  
CT: D --> Because  
CT: D --> He  
CT: D --> OR SHE  
CT: D --> THEY?  
AC: :33 < equius  
CT: D --> _They_ are so nice   
CT: D --> And friendly to everyone  
CT: D --> And really nice to speak to and play around with   
CT: D --> Not to mention they are attractive as HECK  
CT: D --> Pardon my vulgarity  
AC: :33 < ill let that slide.  
AC: :33 < but...?  
CT: D --> They w001d  
CT: D --> They’d never like me  
AC: :33 < equius youre acting purposefully self hating  
AC: :33 < and i didnt even use a perfectly good cat pun there, so you KNOW im being serious  
CT: D --> W001d the cat pun be… ah, “Purrposefully”?  
AC: :33 < :33c Purrhaps  
AC: 33: < equius youre changing the subject!!!  
CT: D --> Sorry  
AC: 33: < urrgh, where was i???  
CT: D --> You were at “purposefully self hating”  
AC: :33 < thank you, equius  
CT: D --> You’re welcome  
AC: :33 < theres plenty of reasons why _they_ would like you!!!   
AC: :33 < youre kind, caring, frankly adorable at times i mean look at you!!! youre panicking over a crush!  
AC: :33 < im sure they like you back, i know it!!!  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> What if h  
CT: D --> Uh  
AC: :?? < yes?  
CT: D --> What if they are not a troll  
AC: :33 < you mean a human?  
CT: D --> Yes  
AC: :33 < thats even better!!  
AC: :33 < im definitely sure theyd like you!!!  
AC: :33 < do i know them?  
CT: D --> Classified information  
AC: :33 < thats a yes  
CT: D --> B(  
CT: D --> They still won’t like me  
AC: :33 < sure they do!!  
AC: :33 < what spurred you into a panic anyway??  
AC: :33 < h33h33, accidental cat pun  
CT: D --> Hahaha  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> He called me c001  
CT: D --> _He used my quirk, Nepeta_  
CT: D --> _He used my quirk and called me c001_  
AC: :33 < equius, equius, shoooooosh  
AC: :33 < calm down  
AC: :33 < youre fine, youre just panicking  
AC: :33 < for no reason, too!  
AC: :33 < he must really like you if he called you cool, and used your quirk, too!!  
AC: :33 < he likes you, equius, you just n33d to calm down, relax, and figure out a way to ask him out on a date!!!  
CT: D --> A  
CT: D --> A DATE??!!  
AC: :33 < or just... going out! it r33lly doesnt matter!!  
CT: D --> Nepeta I can’t a% him on a date  
CT: D --> That w001d be a uniquely terrifoal situation  
CT: D --> Terrible I mean terrible  
AC: :33 < he might like your hoofbeast puns! just flirt with him a little and see if he flirts back ;33  
CT: D --> Flirt  
CT: D --> You want _me_  
CT: D --> To _flirt_  
AC: :33 < at least try, equius  
CT: D --> I cannot believe this  
CT: D --> This is too hard for me to believe  
CT:   
CT: D --> Fine, I will attempt a “flirt” and see if he responds in kind  
AC: :33 < good boy  
AC: :33 < and good luck!!! i know you can do it :33  
CT: D --> <>  
AC: :33 < <>  


* * *

[MOD]TT: So, let me get this straight.  
[MOD]TT: @ectoBiologist  
EB: i was @’d?  
CT:   
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> Oh fiddlesti%

centaursTesticle fell from a high place!

EB: why do you insist on calling me straight, Dirk?  
[MOD]TT: Well, it’s true, isn’t it?  
EB: i mean, i don’t know if i am straight! i’ve not thought much on it, but i mean. i don’t know, is what im saying.   
CT: D --> Oh?  
[MOD]TT: Oh?  
TG: oh?  
~{MOD}~TT: Oh?  
GG: oh?????  
~{ADMIN}~TG: OH?!?!?  
GC: OH?  
AC: :?? < oh?  
CG: WHAT.  
EB: really, guys??  
EB: really???  
EB: as soon as i say i might not be as heterosexual as i thought, everyone appears out of the cracks to say “oh really?”  
TG: john you had a crush on nicholas cage  
EB: I DID NOT!!  
EB: i just thought he was a good actor!  
AT: oH,???? nOW YOU DECIDE THAT, yOU’RE NOT, tHIS HUMAN STRAIGHT,??  
EB: UGH  
CT: D --> What does this mean

gardenGnostic was killed by a zombie!

GG: john, you got me killed!!!  
EB: HOW??!  
GG: BECAUSE, our only straight guy just said he might not be straight!!! this is a _catastrophe!!!_  
EB: oh my god.  
EB: i just said i was thinking about it!!!  
~{MOD}~TT: @everyone John has just said that he may not be as straight as he originally thought. This is truly a magnificent day.  
~{ADMIN}~TG: im os proud of you john!!! <333 my bby s gorwing up <33333  
CG: FUCK YOU, JOHN. YOU CHOOSE NOW OF ALL TIMES TO DECIDE YOU’RE NOT “HETEROSEXUAL”?? GREAT TIMING, JOHN. REALLY. IF YOU HAD JUST SAID YOU DIDN’T LIKE ME LIKE THAT I HONESTLY WOULDN’T HAVE MINDED. BUT NOOOOO, YOU DECIDE TO SAY THAT YOU’RE NOT “HOMOSEXUAL” AND THUS CONFUSING THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF ME AND CAUSING AN UNNECESSARY FUSS OVER SOMETHING WHICH YOU’RE NOW SAYING ISN’T EXACTLY TRUE?  
CG: JOHN, I’M APPALLED.   
EB: oh my god karkat.  
EB: can we not talk about the time you tried to hit black on me?  
EB: for both of our sakes?  
CG: JOHN, I’M NOT EVEN PITCH FOR YOU ANYMORE.   
CG: BUT OKAY. I’LL ABIDE BY THIS. ***FOR NOW.***  
EB: :D  
TC: i was @?  
EB: it was @ everyone.  
TC: fuck, not again.  
TC: :o(  
TC: what was it for?  
TG: johns decided he might be gay  
EB: I SAID I MIGHT NOT BE STRAIGHT!

~tipsyGnostalgic set the world to mode “creative”. 

~{ADMIN}~TG: only cuase everyones talking so i dont one anyoen dyign like jadey did here  
GG: thanks!! :D  
~{ADMIN}~TG: shes so fuckig cute  
~{ADMIN}~TG: is2g  
GG: I’m proud of you, John! :B  
GT: I am too! Taking retrospections of yourself is a fine thing to do.  
EB: i hate all of you  
CT: D --> I’m so confused  
EB: except you, youre cool, equius  
CT: D --> Okay  
TG: maybe we should like move this to a better chatroom  
TG: like, in-game chat is cool and all but this shit gets hard to look at  
TG: so we should probably get our asses into a groupchat or some shit  
TG: meet up at the fruity rumpus rainbow factory party town or something  
CG: IT WAS FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY, ASSHAT.   
GC: OR R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTY TOWN   
CG: TEREZI THAT DOESN’T COUNT.  
GC: DO3S TOO   
CG: DOES NOT.   
AG: Please stop.  
GC: NO  
GC: >8]  
TC: i have no recollection of either of these.  
CT: D --> That is because you were high for the majority, if not all of them  
TC: good point  
~{ADMIN}~TA: ii’m moviing all of you.

The world has been CLOSED.  
Please try again later. 

* * *

twinArmageddons#2222 opened a new groupChat: FRUITY RUMPUS RAINBOW FACTORY PARTY TOWN OR SOMETHING.!

wizardandcats#1204 has joined the group!  
cakemistress#1025 has joined the group!  
tc#0057 has joined the group!

tc: i dont know what im doing here.  
twinArmageddons: 2hut the fuck up gamzee je2u2 fuckiing chrii2t.  
tc: jerk.  
twinArmageddons: pleb.

robotsandHorses#1203 has joined the group!

robotsandHorses: We should change our nicknames, huh.  
wizardandcats: purrobably.  
robotsandHorses: Rolal, back at it again with the cat puns.  
cakemistress: As per usual :B

Rarity is the best pony#0056 has joined the group!  
Neytiri Is My Waifu#1201 has joined the group!  
i shall adopt every cat#6600 has joined the group!

Neytiri Is My Waifu: I agree we should change our nicknames post haste.  
robotsandHorses: I don’t even have words, Jake. None.   
Neytiri Is My Waifu: :I

Pupapan’s Apprentice#1500 has joined the group!

robotsandHorses: And how dare you spread this libel in my face.  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> It is the truth, and I shall continue to spread it.   
Rarity is the best pony: D --> Do you not like it, Dirk  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> Can you not take the heat  
robotsandHorses: I can take the heat plenty. But can _you_?  
Rainbowdash is the best pony: How do you like _these_ apples, huh?  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> Lies  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> Lies have been spread in front of my eyes  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> I cannot believe this  
i shall adopt every cat: :33 < equius  
i shall adopt every cat: :33 < youre being silly  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> He is spreading lies  
Neytiri Is My Waifu: I forgot how to change my nickname.  
Neytiri Is My Waifu: Bollocks.   
Pupapan’s Apprentice: rIGHT CLICK YOUR NAME, jAKE,  
Pupapan’s Apprentice: aT LEAST i THINK YOURE jAKE,  
GT: THANK YOU YOU ARE A LIFESAVER!  
Pupapan’s Apprentice: nO PROBLEM, uH, aRE WE ALL DOING THAT,?  
Rainbowdash is the best pony: Yes.  
AT: oKAY,  
tc: guess i should capitalise mine then, one sec  
TC: theeeeere we go  
GG: :B

BOOF#0112 has joined the group!

BOOF: hi!!!!!!  
BOOF: karkat not here yet?? or dave?? :(  
GG: Not that I’ve seen, unfortunately.  
BOOF: fuck!  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> Language  
i shall adopt every cat: :33 < equius  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> Ugh, fine

Spider8ite#8888 has joined the group!  
OBJ3CT1ON#4130 has joined the group!

Spider8ite: Alright, Scourge Sisters hivemind!!!!!!!!  
OBJ3CT1ON: 4WW Y34H!!

sbahj creator#0312 has joined the group!

BOOF: DAVE!  
sbahj creator: jade  
BOOF: BARK  
sbahj creator: woof  
i shall adopt every cat: :33 < MEOW  
BOOF: WOOF

CARCINOGENETICIST#6969 has joined the group!

CARCINOGENETICIST: I FUCKING HATE THAT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR NAMES, EXCEPT SOLLUX AND ***GAMZEE*** OF ALL FUCKING PEOPLE, ARE COMPLETELY IDIOTIC, AND DON’T EVEN ELUDE TO WHO YOU ACTUALLY ARE, AND I HATE THAT I AM THE ONE WHO HAS TO KEEP REMINDING YOU ALL TO KEEP YOUR GODDAMN NAMES AS YOUR GODDAMN HANDLES!!! BUT NOOOO APPARENTLY NOT!   
sbahj creator: ha, 69  
CARCINOGENETICIST: SHUT THE FUCK UP, DAVE.  
BOOF: ha, 69  
CARCINOGENETICIST: SHUT THE FUCK UP, JADE.  
CARCINOGENETICIST: EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT MY GODDAMN NUMBER BEING 6969, OF ALL UNFORTUNATE THINGS FOR IT TO BE. I GET IT. HAHAHA, 69, THE SEX NUMBER.   
Rarity is the best pony: D --> That is 100d and you will cease this line of conversation  
Rainbowdash is the best pony: Ha, 69.  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> What sh001d I e%pect from such a childish mind as yours?  
Rainbowdash is the best pony: Shut the fuck up, Equius.  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> Wow, resorting to such vulgarity  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> I can’t say I’m surprised.   
Rainbowdash is the best pony: Do you want to go?

eldrichHorror#0412 has joined the group!

eldrichHorror: Please, this memo was supposed to be about John, not which MLP character is the best character.   
TG: he isnt inhe re yet though  
eldrichHorror: Oh. Well, carry on then.  
TG: :P  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> I will fight you with my fists  
Rainbowdash is the best pony: Bring it, bitch.  
sbahj creator: its britney bitch  
TC: this conversation seems to be getting out of hand  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> Alright, I will  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> Meet me in the pit in 10 minutes if you want a rear kicking  
Rainbowdash is the best pony: You got it you little bitch  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> I am like a foot taller than you  
Rainbowdash is the best pony: I will fight you with my katana.  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> That’s not fair  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> I don’t have a sword to fight you with  
Rainbowdash is the best pony: How will Rarity help you now, Equius?  
Rainbowdash is the best pony: _How will Rarity help you now?_  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> I am going to scream   
Rarity is the best pony: D --> So  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> Loud  
sbahj creator: hey does anyone in this thread smoke weed?  
CG: I FUCKING HATE EVERYONE IN THIS GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKING CHAT.   
TA: everyone better fuckiing change theiir goddamn niickname2 two theiir fuckiing 2horthand handle2 riight the fuck now.  
TA: PLEA2E.  
TA: equiiu2, diirk, 2top fuckiing playiing piitch iin the chat, take iit two pm2.  
Rainbowdash is the best pony: We’re not pitch.  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> We’re not pitch  
AC: :// < you are a little pitch  
TC: a _little?_  
TG: yallre kinda pitch  
sbahj creator: i can’t change my nickname  
sbahj creator: roxmom got there before i did  
sbahj creator: i am so sad  
BOOF: me either :( :( :( :(   
TT: Ahahahaha.   
TT: The early bird gets the worm, as the saying goes.  
BOOF: BARK.   
BOOF: :(  
AG: ::::P  
GC: >8P  
GC: W41T, WH4T’S 4 WORM?  
CG: DIRT NOODLE, SHE’S TALKING ABOUT DIRT NOODLES.  
GC: WHY WOULD 1 W4NT 4 D1RT NOODL3?  
CG: UGH. THE EARLY WINGED BEAST GETS THE DIRT NOODLE.   
GC: OOH. TH4T M4K3S 4 LOT MOR3 S3NS3  
TT: You really should have all known this by _now._  
Rainbowdash is the best pony: Great, now I can’t even change my nickname to my handle, now.  
Rainbowdash is the best pony: ... That means I win.  
Rarity is the best pony: D --> NEVER

ghostbusters!#0413 has joined the group!

Rarity is the best pony: D --> JOHN!  
Rainbowdash is the best pony: JOHN!  
GG2: JOHN!  
GC: JOHN!  
TG: john1!1  
AT: jOHN,  
AG: J8HN!!!!!!!!  
GG: Hello, John!  
TG2: yo, john  
CG: JOHN, FINALLY.  
TT: Welcome to the chat, John.  
TC: yo hey  
GT: Tally ho, good chum!!  
AC: :33 < hello!!  
TA: the 2tar of the 2how.  
ghostbusters!: ...  
ghostbusters!: i hate all of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can guess where I got the #code numbers from for each person you are as much a genius as I am
> 
> 8; )
> 
> Anyway this was NOT supposed to be this long.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of the memo in ch3, but the end of the memo, plus other shenanigans. 
> 
> And what's this? Crushes a plenty??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Minor errors fixed. did this late at night. sorry.

EB: so.   
CT: D --> So  
TT2: So.  
TT: You admit you are not as straight as you thought, then?  
EB: ... yeah. ive been doing a lot of thinking lately and its all seeming like i just...  
EB: i dont know...  
EB: suppressed it all?   
EB: like, just pushed it under layers of confusion and stupidity because it didnt fit the box it was supposed to fit.  
EB: and if it doesnt fit the box, then whats the point of having the thing?  
TT2: John, society isn’t comprised of who fits what box.  
CT: D --> I mean he has a point  
TT2: Thank you, Equius.   
TT2: For the first time, I actually find myself agreeing with you.  
CT: D --> Not you  
CT: D --> John  
TT2: What.  
CT: D --> Society is built upon structures, and every living thing has its place in it  
TT2: Oh my god.  
AC: :// < oh no  
CT: D --> And things that don’t fit the preconstructed constructs of society are anomalies. They cannot fit anywhere and therefore have no place in society itself  
EB: wow i did not mean this to turn into a sociological debate.  
CT: D --> Too late  
CT: D --> It is happening  
TT2: We’re doing it.   
TT2: Where making this hapen.  
TG: holy fuck.  
EB: oh my god.  
CT: D --> Which is why the constructs were needed in the first place; to figure out one's place, one must align oneself with how one fits in with society, and attach themself to that particular “bo%”  
CT: D --> Once attached, they can then continue on forth to what they wanted to do, provided that it is in the boundary of their assigned construct  
CT: D --> ...   
CT: D --> It sounds stupid when it’s phrased like that  
CT: D --> Am I phrasing it wrong?  
AC: :33 < equius... are you ok?  
EB: no no i see what youre saying.  
EB: but i also see that its stupid!   
CT: D --> I mean I know it’s stupid phrased like that but  
EB: look at it this way:   
EB: what would you do if say, you got a really nice new storage box to put stuff in.  
EB: but you havent anything to put in it! or at least not yet.  
CT: D --> Then why w001d you buy a storage bo%  
EB: because you thought you needed it?  
CT: D --> I’m lost  
EB: okay. new analogy. so. you have all this miscellaneous junk you cant fit in any of the places you have.  
CT: D --> Okay  
EB: what do you do with it?  
CT: D --> Just leave it in a pile, really  
CT: D --> Err  
CT: D --> I meant  
CT: D --> Like  
CT: D --> A stack  
EB: but it gets in the way, doesnt it?  
CT: D --> ... I mean, a little? I suppose  
EB: now, is there anything in common with this junk that isnt in common with the boxes of stuff you have?  
CT: D --> It’s mainly broken robot heads and carcasses  
EB: so, you have this piii-stack of robot carcasses and heads.  
CT: D --> Mainly  
EB: and they dont fit anywhere.  
CT: D --> Because they’re broken  
EB: so...   
EB: you get a new box for them!  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> You can’t do that  
EB: you really can!  
EB: my sexuality? it doesnt necessarily fit in with gay or straight, i know this now. in fact, i dont really know what it is!   
EB: and thats ok! because, that pile of miscellaneous stuff? i can put it all into a box, and make it its own little subsection of social norms.  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> What you are saying is  
CT: D --> Everything that doesn’t fit the subdivided bo%es of society gets its own bo% labelled “miscellaneous”  
CT: D --> And that’s ok?  
EB: yep!  
CT: D --> You can do that  
EB: i mean i think so.  
EB: honestly it took me a while to figure that one out.  
TT2: THE BOXES DON’T EXIST!  
TT2: Ugh.  
TT2: What you’re talking about is stupid, can we change topics?  
EB: sorry.  
CT: D --> I’m not  
EB: equius!  
CT:   
CT:  
CT: D --> I’m sorry.  
AC: :33 < _hmm???_  
CT: D --> SHH  
AC: :33 < okay :3c  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Never mind  
EB: ?  
EB: whats that about?  
CT: D --> Do not worry John this is simply a  
CT: D --> Moirail thing  
CT: D --> Isn’t that right Nepeta  
CT: D --> This is simply a ‘Moirail thing’, every moirail has a thing  
CT: D --> And this is just our thing  
CT: D --> Yes  
AC: ://  
CT: D --> 100%  
CT: D --> We will discuss it later  
CT: D --> Isn’t that right Nepeta  
CT: D --> :33 < yes it is equihiss  
CT: D --> Thank you Nepeta  
TT2: Did you just RP your moirail agreeing with you?  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> Roleplay is wrigglerish and I w001d never stoop to such a level  
CT: D --> Abso100tely not  
AC: :33 < equius are you ok?

Rarity is the best pony#0056  has left the conversation!

AC: :CC < im taking that as a no  
EB: i hope hes ok...  
TT2: I don’t.  
EB: dirk!  
TT2: ... I hope he’s ok.  
TG: _hmmmmmmmmmmmm????????_  
TT2: I refuse to discuss this further.

Rainbowdash is the best pony#1203  has left the conversation!

TG: :ccccc  
TG: whale shit   
TA: you diid not ju2t  
TA: oh my god you diid.  
TA: ii hate my liife.  
CG: YOU ALWAYS HATE YOUR LIFE, THAT ISN’T NEW.  
GC: WOW, K4RKL3S, TH4T W4S H4RSH 4S FUCK   
GC: YOU’V3 JUST HURT OUR POOR C4PTOR’S FR4G1L3 F33L1NGS. TH1S W1LL NOT ST4ND 1N TH1S COURT OF L4W!!!  
GC: T1M3 FOR JUDG3M3NT! 1 S3NT3NC3 YOU TO D34TH!  
AG: O8viously.  
CG: OBVIOUSLY.  
GC: D34TH BY........  
AG: ::::D  
GC: 3ND3RSNOUT!!!!  
CG: I  
CG: HONESTLY TEREZI I DID NOT EXPECT THAT.  
GC: 1 M1SS H4V1NG 4 DR4GON  
TC: at least you have them all mother fucking dragon plushies?  
GC: SC4L3M4T3S, TH3Y’R3 C4LL3D SC4L3M4T3S, 4ND TH3Y 4R3 NOTOR1OUS DOUBL3 CROSS3RS TH4T N33D TO B3 T4UGHT 4 L3SSON 1N JUST1C3!  
TC: i  
TC: well if you be all saying so  
TG2: damn terezi thats metal  
TG2: so how do you punish these wily creatures? jail forever? drowned in chocolate pudding?  
TC: that sounds like an awfully delicious way to die  
TG2: bro it is  
GC: 4CTU4LLY 1 H4NG TH3M. TH3 ONLY TRU3 W4Y OF D34L1NG W1TH EV1L CR1M1N4L M4ST3RM1NDS.  
TG2: ...   
TG2: _damn terezi_  
CG: HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY NOT KNOW THAT?   
TG2: dont ask dont tell idk  
GG2: it sounds a little mean anyway!! :( :( :(  
TG2: jade no dont be like that  
GG2: :( :( :( :(  
TA: 2o everythiing2 been 2poken about, riight?   
TG: p much ye  
TG: johnnys a little less straight and thats all we need 2 know ;)  
TA: okay cool, who want2 two joiin me iin 2ky factory?  
TG: You found a new modpack?  
TA: ii 2uppo2e you could 2ay that  
EB: ill ask equius and dirk!  
AC: 33: < NO  
TG: NO  
EB: ?  
AC: :33 < leave equius to me  
TG: and dirky dooodle to mw  
TG: *me  
EB: uhh, okay!  
EB: ill just. do that then.   
EB: id like to play though!  
AC: :33 < ill see!!  
TG: might attend might knot, who knooooows???  
TA: RX, you’re helpiing me mod  
TG: :( :(   
TA: ... _FIINE._   
TA: II’ll mod by myself, ii’ll only take 8 member2 though, 2o be 2peedy.  


* * *

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT] at 23:33! --

AC: :(( < equius are you alright?  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> I’m fine  
CT: D --> What makes you think I am otherwise not fine  
CT: D --> ?  
AC: :// < youre acting weirdly   
AC: :// < i mean, you RPed me agr33ing with you!  
AC: :// < i know i wanted you to do more RPing in general but thats weird efurn for you  
CT: D -->   
CT: D --> I   
CT: D --> I panicked, okay  
CT: D --> Everything was happening all at once and I wanted it to stop happening and you said ‘Hmm’ and I panicked and tried to make it seem like you never said it or something because  
CT: D --> I can’t do this!!  
CT: D --> I can’t do this ‘crush’ thing, I’m so scared I’ll mess up and screw everything up and it’ll end up going badly and messy  
CT: D --> I’m not made for relationships, obviously!  
CT: D --> Ahahahaha  
CT: D --> Yes, of horse  
CT: D --> Obviously  
CT: D --> Ha  
AC: :(( < im sorry...  
AC: :// < i didnt mean to upset you with that, i was just teasing!  
CT: D --> Why are you apologising you’ve done nothing wrong  
CT: D --> It is I who is in the wrong here for worrying you  
AC: :(( < i still f33l bad  
CT: D --> Well   
CT: D --> ...  
CT: D --> Well I can’t stop you from feeling bad, I’m sorry  
AC: :(( < now we both f33l bad  
AC: :(( < this sucks  
CT: D --> You sh001dn’t feel bad  
CT: D --> I am the one at foalt here  
CT: D -->   
CT: D --> I’m sorry  
CT: D --> Maybe I sh001d forget about even asking him on a date  
CT: D --> Or to go out  
CT: D --> Or talk to him in general  
CT: D --> Obviously, he has someone else who is interested in him and is much more suitable to his tastes  
AC: :?? < wha?  
CT: D --> Dirk is obviously vying for his interest  
CT: D --> He’s far better suited for a relationship with him  
CT: D --> Ha, I guess he wins  
CT: D --> I mean  
CT: D --> He got John to send him a shirtless photo  
AC: :OO < i repeat  
AC: :OO < _what?????????_  
AC: :OO < tell me _everything_  
AC: :OO < how do you know?? what quadrant??  
CT: D --> You are supposed to be on my side  
CT: D --> Not supporting the everblooming relationship between the two  
AC: :OO < how do you know he sent a shirtless photo??  
CT: D --> John showed me  
CT: D --> Well he told me he sent a photo  
CT: D --> I asked what  
CT: D --> And then he showed me  
CT: D --> That’s how I know  
AC: :OO  
AC: :OO  
AC: :OO  
AC: :33 < _hmmmmmm?_  
CT: D --> Shh  
CT: D --> ... Yes, his body is nice  
AC: :OO  
AC: :OO  
AC: :OO  
AC: :OO < _and you never told me?????_  
CT: D --> I’m still in shock  
CT: D --> Anyway, back on topic  
CT: D --> Do you see what I mean? I don’t want to go back into the chat   
CT: D --> I am worried  
CT: D --> Nor do I want to humiliate myself in front of John  
AC: :33 < i see what you mean theres definitely a spark there  
AC: :33 < sp333333king of which...  
AC: :33 < you and dirk pitch, ey?  
AC: :33 < honestly i was expecting you to tell me you were flush for di  
AC: :33 < wait   
AC: :33 < wait youre flush for JOHN!!!!???  
CT: D --> D  
CT: D --> Did I not tell you that  
AC: :33 < uhh, no?????  
AC: :33 < i thought you were flush for dirk!!   
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> E%cuse me, but  
CT: D --> _WHAT????_  
CT: D --> I w001d never, I  
CT: D --> Admit he’s not the least attractive thing I have laid eyes upon  
CT: D --> But flush???  
CT: D --> I   
CT: D --> Gosh, you call yourself a _shipper?_  
CT: D --> I’m appalled  
AC: :33 < equius.  
CT: D --> Was that too far?  
AC: :33 < yes  
CT: D --> Sorry  
AC: :33 < do you want me to set you up with john or not?   
CT: D --> Oh gosh  
CT: D --> Yes please  
AC: :33 < then listen up and listen to every word of advice i give you  
AC: :33 < and dont you _ever_ doubt my shipping ability again  
CT: D --> Ma’am yes ma’am  
AC: :33 < never call me that again  
CT: D --> Yes Nepeta  
AC: :33 < so, sollux has set up a server and you are going to join  
AC: :33 < and you are going to _make john egbert swoon_  
CT: D --> I like this idea already  
AC: :33 < so heres the plan...  


* * *

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 23:44! --

TG: dirk  
TG: diiiirkt  
TG: diiirk  
TG: diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirkk  
TG: bby anser  
TG: i kno ur reading this  
TT: You have reached DS’s New autoresponder, no AI here. This is a prewritten message. Please leave your message after the line.  
TT: --  
TG: ...  
TG: _Dork_  
TG: *Dirk  
TG: *Actually, Dick works  
TG: *Dork  
TT:   
TT: Y’know Dick works too, right?  
TG: i woudl _never_ call you a dick to your face  
TT: I  
TT: Wait, what?  
TG: anyWAY!  
TG: bitch y u leave  
TT: None of your beeswax.  
TG: dam straiht it is my beeswac ya s9novabith  
TG: *sonovabitch  
TG: also quiiiick q?  
TG: do you have   
TG: what the world knows as a ......  
TG: _CRUSHH????_  
TG: onnn a well reknown canditate knownd to the world as.......   
TG: _JOHN???????_  
TT: What?  
TT: No, what the fuck.  
TT: Dirk Strider doesn’t have crushes. Those are for babies. Dirk Strider has heartfelt love affairs which last a single night and nothing more.  
TT: Psh. Dirk Strider? Crush?   
TG: iiits more likely than youd yhink?  
TT: Rolal, that shits less likely than the arrival of part 2 of SBAHJ moooovey 4.  
TG: ... hate 2 burts ur bubble dirkyboo but daves already wrote the fin-narly of that movie   
TT: ... That’s simply a coincidence. I look forward to viewing it with you.  
TG: ugh, talk to me l8r when ur less of an ass  
TG: wanna paly sky favtory?  
TT: Sure.  
TG: k sweaty xx

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 23:58! --

TT: Sweaty???  
TT: Do I look like a hot blue mountain of a horse-troll to you?  


* * *

twinArmageddons [TA] created a new world! Link: 2kyfactory.taworld2.org (1/8)

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] joined the world! (2/8)

TG: looks neat as fuck!!  
TA: thank2.  
TG: ;)

turntechGodhead [TG] joined the world! (3/8)  
ectoBiologist [EB] joined the world! (4/8)

EB: hi!  
TG: yo

arsenicCatnip [AC] joined the world! (5/8)  
timaeusTestified [TT] joined the world! (6/8)  
centaursTesticle [CT] joined the world! (7/8)

CT: D --> Oh  
TT: Oh.  
EB: you made it!  
CT: D --> Well of horse I did, I w001d never miss gaming with you  
TT: Well, what did you expect from me?   
TT: Wait which one of us are you referring to?   
EB: uhh...  
EB: both of you! im just glad you can make it here. :B  
TT: Really, now?  
CT: D --> Oh dear  
TA: ii brought thii2 on my2elf.  


* * *

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling timaeusTestified [TT] at 00:33! --

CT: D --> Now you listen here and you listen good  
CT: D --> Stop flirting with John  
TT: What in God’s name makes you think I’m flirting with John?  
CT: D --> Your relationship with his ecto half ancestor may have not have worked out e%actly well but that does not mean you get to flirt with his descendant  
TT: Bro, I am not flirting with him.  
TT: And what’s it to you if I did, huh? What are you going to do?   
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> I just know you are  
CT: D --> And you will stop  
TT: No, I am not. I am merely being ironic in this ‘flirting’, if you can even call it that in the first place. I don’t even like John like that.   
CT: D --> You... don’t?  
TT: Not at all.   
TT: I don’t like his stupid hair or his stupid face or his stupid eyes or his stupid pullable cheeks or his stupid... oh my God.  
TT: Oh my God, I think I like John like that.  
TT: _Fuck._  
CT:   
CT: D -->   
CT: D --> I-  
CT: D --> This wasn’t meant to happen  
CT: D --> _I_ like John  
CT: D --> You are not supposed to like John and that is Final  
TT: Well I don’t want to like John, either, you know!  
CT: D --> N-  
CT: D --> What  
TT: All this shit was meant to be ironic and now it’s just. Oh hello, random crush on a guy you barely know and yet is definitely physically attractive, you appeared out of nowhere. Just sort of emerged through the dust and fucking buffeted me in a sandstorm harder than Darude.  
TT: And fuck is it the worst kind of buffeting.   
CT: D --> I reiterate: What?  
TT: Bad metaphor, anyway. I never planned this. This... this just sprung out of nowhere, and I’m honestly at a loss of what to do. What should I do?   
TT: While I don’t really value your opinion on... well, anything really, I kind of need your help on this.   
TT: I mean, you like him too, after all.  
CT: D --> While I also disregard your opinions entirely  
CT: D --> I think...   
CT: D --> I think you sh001d give it a shot  
TT: Ha, unintentional bow and arrow pun.  
CT: D --> What  
TT: I think you’d appreciate it more if you could actually shoot one.  
CT: D --> Oh, haha  
CT: D --> Anyway, I think he likes you  
CT: D --> You sh001d go for it  
TT: But you like him.  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> More than words can describe  
CT: D --> He’s beautifoal, he knowledgable, and   
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> He makes me laugh  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> I _really, really like him_  
CT: D --> Like, _like_ like him  
TT: See? I can’t go after his affections if you really like him like that!!  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> Yes you can  
CT: D --> Easily  
TT: No I can’t.  
TT: I may be cool, stylish prick but I’m not an asshole.  
CT: D --> Dirk  
TT: Okay I’m a little bit of an asshole.  
TT: But he likes you! I’m sure of it. He wouldn’t have said ‘uhh’ when I questioned him on who he was referring to if he didn’t.  
CT: D --> You’re better for him  
CT: D --> He’d never like me  
TT: Equius, pardon my french, but shut the fuck up.  
TT: I’m not about to ruin something special between two guys because I just happen to have a crush on one of them.  
CT: D --> If it makes you feel better  
CT: D --> You’re technically crushing on both myself and John  
CT: D --> Just in two different quadrants  
TT: That doesn’t help at all.  
CT: D --> I thought it w001dn’t  
TT: Then why say it?  
CT: D --> Dirk you know e%actly why I said it  
CT: D --> And I’m right  
CT: D --> You’re as pitch as tar for me  
TT: Pssh, whaaaaaat???? No!!!  
TT: What the fuck, bro?  
CT: D --> Admit it, you want a piece of this  
CT: D --> A piece of  
CT:  
TT: Equius?  
CT: D --> I can’t continue that sentence  
CT: D --> My moirail  
CT: D --> She typed that for me  
TT:   
TT: Lies.  
CT: D --> What  
TT: I call lies. You can’t blame everything on ‘oh my moirail made me do it’. It’s childish and stupid.  
TT: I know you wanted to write that. Because you’re the one with the crush.  
TT: Aren’t you?  
CT: D --> Well, yes?  
CT: D --> I thought it was obvious  
TT: Wait, what, you were supposed to deny that.  
CT: D --> I’m not denying it  
CT: D --> I really, really... Really want to be your rival  
CT: D --> You’re smart, smarter than I w001d ever have e%pected  
CT: D --> We share similar interests and I like your robot designs! I’d never say it to your face though, but you are annoyingly clever  
CT: D --> Your ideas are phenomenal, and you don’t even know it; you’re a natural!   
CT: D --> And honeighst-  
CT: D --> Honestly I just want to  
CT: D --> Kick you right off of that high horse that you ride and make you grovel and _work_ for this horse you ride because you don’t deserve the satisfaction of this horse  
CT: D --> You deserve having every single flaw in your designs pointed out and glaringly obvious  
CT: D --> And I want to be the one pointing it out  
TT: Oh damn.  
TT: That’s... that’s a deep sentiment.  
TT: Also you are totally self projecting.  
CT: D --> I am unapologetically self projecting  
CT: D --> But surely you feel the sentiment  
TT: ... Well, it is nice trading barbs with you. And since we’re complimenting each other right now, I’ve always admired your way with robots! You have such a practiced system with regards to them that I really envy.   
TT: I envy it a lot, Equius.  
TT: I want to ruin this practiced routine of yours.  
TT: Make it so you have to improvise, and watch you flounder and flop like a fish out of water.  
TT: I also want to do unmentionable things with you but that is out of the question here.  
CT: D --> Like what  
TT: I don’t know, it’s unmentionable.   
TT:  
TT:  
TT: Makeout or something, I don't know.  
TT: But rivals don’t do that, right?  
TT:   
TT: Right...?  
CT: D --> Dirk  
CT: D --> After this game, meet up with me  
TT: Wait, what?  
CT: D --> Be there, Strider  
CT: D --> We’ll talk robots  
CT: D --> And I’ll teach you the true meaning of “rivals”  
CT: D --> <3<  
TT: Holy fuck, are you serious?   
TT: I am down for this.  
TT: Though, gotta ask. What’s with the weird fish symbol?  
CT: D --> It is a spade, you dense turd  
TT: That’s a new one.  
TT: So... Later, loser?  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> See you later  
CT: D --> Loser  
CT: D --> ... Send the spade  
TT: No, that’s stupid.  
CT: D --> I’ll call tonight off completely and never speak to you again  
TT: You wouldn’t.  
TT:  
TT: Your non-reply suggests you would, fuck, why must you appeal to my need for validation.  
CT: D --> Send it  
TT: Ugh, fine.  
TT: <3<  
TT: It’s a stupid symbol for stupid...  
TT: Stupid heads.  
TT: Like you.   
TT: Stupid head.  
CT: D --> Aww, you do hate me  
CT: D --> I’m flattered  
CT: D --> We’ll continue the John Situation Discussion at my place. After we discuss robots. Meet me at 3am sharp  
TT: Bro.  
CT: D --> Okay, after the game  
CT: D --> Like 30 minutes after  
TT: It takes that long for me to get to your ho-Oooh. Smart. Sneaky.  
CT: D --> Also just to let you know  
TT: What?  
CT: D --> _My moirail didn’t type anything_  
CT: D --> It was all a ruse  
TT: I already knew that, you big sack of potatoes.  
CT: D --> Pitch for you too, Dirk  
CT: D --> Or sh001d I say  
CT: D --> _Dork_

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling timaeusTestified [TT] at 01:18! --

TT: Yo-  
TT: God fucking DAMN it!!!  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I swear to god the DirkJohn was completely unplanned.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux Tricked us. This isn't sky factory.

TG: hey sol, i gots a question bout this map.  
TG: its a real cool map, but it ainy liek any skyfactory map i seen b4 lmfao  
TA: ehehehehehe  
TG: hooinestly looks like sumfin outta those old halo gamez i used to play...  
TG: wait  
TG: _WAIT._  
TA: _ehehehehehe_  
TA: roxy and ii are goiing on blue team.  
TA: diirk, equiiu2, you both are goiing on red team.  
CT: D --> I thought I was on B100 team  
TT: Why am I a red?  
TA: @CT: you’re red team iin thii2 game.  
TA: @TT: becau2e ii 2aiid 2o.  
CT: D --> But why not b100 team???  
TA: BECAU2E!   
TA: THE BOTH OF YOU ARE THE HOMO2EXUAL 2IIDE CA2T WHO DON’T WANT TWO ADMIIT THEY’RE IIN A RELATIION2HIIP!!  
TT: WHAT??  
CT: D --> WHAT??  
CT:  
CT: D --> Sollux Captor, you better not be referring to what I think you are referring to.  
TA: you two have fun iin the 2hade, you diirty red2.  
CT: D -->   
CT: D --> Suck it, b100   
TG: LOL U DIDNT  
TA: ii diid.  
EB: uhhh...  
TA: dave you’re blue team because ii am NOT lettiing two 2triider2 on the 2ame team.  
TT: Foal Play.  
CT: D --> Foul*  
TT: Shh.  
TG: damn  
TG: rip   
TG: yall gon miss my ass  
TA: nep2 goiing on...  
CT: D --> Nepeta is on my team  
TA: blue team.  
CT: D --> WHAT  
AC: :|| < uhm  
AC: :33 < think of it as a training exercise!  
AC: :33 < i know you can do it! no ones gonna die anyway, its a video game!!  
AC: >:33 < i have my eyes on you, red  
CT: D --> This is why you sh001d be on Red team, I canter-  
CT: D --> I can’t prevent your ape% predator instincts to murder, and thus cannot allow you to be b100 team. You are a Red  
CT: D --> Join the Reds  
AC: :33 < he has a point  
TA: ...   
TA: fuck.  
TA: fiine. nep2 red.  
AC: :33 < suck it, blue!!!  
TG: BETTER DEAD THAN RED!!!  
TG: suck it reds etc  
TG: wait shit i type in red  
TG: are you sure i should be blue  
EB: but where am i???  
TA: de2piite your text colour ii’m gonna put you on red team.  
TA: even the team2 out.  
EB: ... how is that even?  
TA: ... hm.  
TG: talk about ironic  
TG: john, who types in blue, is red team  
TG: and i, who talks in red  
TG: is blue team  
TG: fuck damn if that aint confusing i dont know what is  
TA: red team ii2 CT, TT, AC, and EB  
TA: blue team ii2 TA (me), TG (rx), TG (dv), and whoever joiin2 next.   
TG: two tgs on one team?  
TG: aint that a little confusing?  
TG: h8 to admit it buuuut daves got a point  
TG: its a taaaaad confising  
TG: *confusing  
TA: ugh, fiine.  
TA: DV swap out wiith...  
CT: D --> Dirk  
TT: Equius.  
TA: hmm...

terminallyCapricious [TC]  joined the world! (8/8)

TC: how the fuck did i get here?  
TA:  
TA: gamzee.   
TG: you want me to swap with the chucklefuck?  
TC: who’s swapping what?  
TA: ugh.  
TA: TC, you’re on blue team.  
TC: i thought i was on red team.  
TA: well now you’re blue and equiiu2 ii2 red.  
TC: ... o... kay?  
TA: ye2. we have on blue team:  
TA: the yelliing neurotiic one that replace2 kk (me), the bada22 giirl (rx), the dumba22 iidiiot wiith a tendency to team kiill (tc), and... 2orry dv you’re the team fliirt wiith a kiicka22 aliien 2word.  
TG: damn, i suppose i am  
TG: i do have a kickass sword  
TG: and i can flirt with the best of them  
TG: hey there pretty lady, nice gonads  
TG: wait that’s from true facts about the anglerfish  
TG: why did i watch that again  
TC: i resent being called a team killing fuck.  
TG: no one called you that  
TG: even though its true  
TC:   
TC: tell me again why i have to be on a team with strider?  
TC: stupid strider.  
TG: i am literally in the same chat as you  
TC: does that automatically make you not stupid?  
TA: yeah, ii changed miind ii’m not moviing dv.  
TA: we have the perfect team dynamiic here.  
CT: D --> _HOW IS THAT A PERFECT TEAM DYNAMIC?_  
TA: iit ju2t ii2.  
TA: red team ha2:   
TA: gay a22hole2 who do nothiing but talk all day but won’t admiit they’re iin a relatiion2hiip (TT and CT), uhh... we’re mii22iing a leader wiith a tendency to make the wor2t po22iible plan2 who thiink2 the blue2 are alway2 up two 2omethiing diiaboliical - 2o unle22 np ii2 the rookiie wiith a good arm or the robot mechaniic ii2 anyone2 gue22.   
TT: We’re not dating.  
CT: D --> We’re not dating  
CT:   
CT: D --> Captor, I hate you  
EB: ill be the friend leader!  
EB: itll be fun!!!  
EB: should we start with some fake team building exercises or something? pass the ball and tell 2 truths and a lie? oh oh oh!!! Maybe we could PLAY PRANKS TOGETHER. i am _so_ gonna cream the blue team.  
TA:  
TA:   
TA: eggbutt ii2 the rookiie.  
EB: aww, ok.   
AC: :33 < then ill be the leader!  
AC: :3c < i bet youre already planning something hemeowsly diabolical  
AC: :33 < i got my eyes on you, blue  
TA: perfect.  
TA: nepeta ha2 gone mad wiith power.  
AC: :33 < _diabolical!!_  
TA: let the game2...  
TA: begiin!

* * *

EB: i have to ask you both though...  
EB: what were you doing parked in the shade for 2 hours?  
CT: D --> Uhm  
TT: I can tell you what we weren’t doing.  
EB: and whats that?  
CT:  
TT: John, we were  
CT: D --> Having a conversation  
TT: Yeah.  
EB: but why the shade?  
CT: D --> Conversational nap  
TT: A conversation and a nap. Perfectly reasonable. The shade is the perfect place to do it.  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> Completely reasonable  
TT: Indeed.  
EB: but this is a video game, you dont need to nap in game.  
TT: It makes it more realistic.  
CT: D --> This is Minecraft, we have beds  
CT: D --> We can easily take naps in them  
EB: but there isnt a bed here to nap  
EB: so it doesnt m

twinArmageddons [TA] was shot by terminallyCapricious [TC]!

TA: _gamzee._  
TC: strider did it.  
TG: _what._  
TG: it LITERALLY says you killed him.  
TC: _strider did it._  
TG: I DID NOT.  
TT: Get your blue team problems out of red team chat.  
TG: THERE IS NO RED TEAM CHAT!  
TG: THERE IS NO _BLUE TEAM_ CHAT!  
TG: IT’S ALL ONE FUCKING CHAT FOR FUCKS SAKE!  
TG: RED AND BLUE ARE THE SAME!!!!  
TT: Oh, the irony.  
CT: D --> I don’t think that’s the definition of irony  
TC: wouldn’t it be ironic if we were all made of iron?  
TG: THAT’S NOT IRONIC, EITHER  
TG: THAT’S JUST STUPID

* * *

AC: 33: < mew kidnapped equihiss!!!  
TT: More like he willingly went to blue team.  
CT: D --> Dirk is DISGUSTING, Nepeta  
CT: D --> And I believe the term is ‘Taken Hostage’  
TA: damn fuckiing riight iit ii2.   
TG: thoooo i think yallve lost track of the point of this gmae ;)  
EB: at least i got the flag!  
CT: D --> John  
CT: D --> I do not mean to sound rude  
CT: D --> At all  
CT: D --> But you thought you were buying it at the store  
EB: only because thats what you told me the blue teams base was! i cant help that i thought it was a store.  
TT: No offense John, but that’s pretty fucking stupid.  
EB: did you grab the flag?  
TT:  
CT: D --> He makes a good point  
TT:  
EB: thought so.  
TT: Fuck you both.  
EB: hahahahaha maybe later ;B   
CT: D --> Not right now B;)  
TT:   
AC:  
TG:  
TA:  
TC:  
TG:  
EB: uhm.  
CT: D --> Wait  
TT:  
TA:  
TG:  
TG:  
TC: wait what?  
AC: >:3c  
TT: Wh  
CT: D --> Whatever you thought I meant by that phrase  
CT: D --> Stop thinking it  
EB: i was just playing around and making a joke!! ahahahahaha!!  
TT: Frisky.  
TG: _very_ frisky  
CT: D --> Wait   
EB: wait.   
CT: D --> John, were you... flirting?  
EB: me?????   
EB: flirt???????  
EB: no way!!!!!!   
TG: smooth john  
EB: _shut up, dave._   
TA: holy _2hiit,_ thii2 ju2t got _iintere2tiing._  
EB: were _you????_  
CT: D --> I don’t flirt  
CT: D --> I flounder, panic, scream, and jump into the nearest garbage heap  
TT: Hahahahaha.  
CT: D --> _Dirk, shut up_  
TT: Never.  
AC: _> :3c _  
CT: D --> NEPETA  
TG: im w nepeta   
TG: _> :3c_  
EB: wait, dirk why are you laughing at equius??  
EB: is that-   
EB: wait  
EB: are you flirting with him, too??  
TT: What?  
TT: No!  
TT: Never.  
TT: I only have eyes f  
CT: D --> Yes, Dirk  
CT: D --> Are you flirting with me?????  
TT: I-  
CT: D --> Are you flirting with _John???_  
TT: What makes you say that???  
CT: D --> Who do you only have eyes for, Dirk?  
TT:  
TT: Smuppets.  
TG: BRO.  
TG: _NO._  
TC: if strider hates it i need it.  
CT: D --> Makara, no  
TC: makara, yEs.  
AC: :?? < whats wrong?  
EB: ... were you flirting with your smuppets?  
TG:  
CT:  
CT: D --> Yes, Dirk, _were_ you?  
TT:  
TG:  
AC:  
TC:   
TC: what.  
TA: a23thehengjfkfmc  
TG: i am saving thid entire log fir blackmail  
TA: 2ame.  
TG: ahahsisossooeoedidj  
TT: _I wasn’t flirting with my smuppets._  
EB: id be pretty worried if you were honestly.  
TT: Good, because I wasn’t. I wasn’t flirting with anyone.  
TT: If anyone here was flirting, it would obviously be Equius.  
CT: D --> WHAT???  
CT: D --> LIES AND SLANDER  
CT: D --> I HAVE NEVER FLIRTED ONCE IN MY LIFE  
TA: what about aa  
CT: D --> THAT WASN’T FLIRTING. THAT WAS JUST WEIRD  
TA: good poiint.  
AC: :33 < im proud of you for finally admitting that, equihiss  
CT:   
CT: D --> ...   
CT: D --> Can you maybe rescue me from b100 base, now?  
TA: you came here _wiilliingly._  
TG: now youre blu team and anyone who goes AWOL on blue team is ...  
TG: PUNISHED BY DEATH!!!!  
CT: D -->  
CT: D -->   
CT: D --> _W H A T_  
TT: Hey, Nep?   
AC: :33 < yeah?  
TT: Now the Blues have kidnapped Zahhak.  
AC: 33:< < THEN IT’S WAR!!!!!!

* * *

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering centaursTesticle [CT] at 12:05! --  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] added timaeusTestified [TT] to the chat at 12:05! --

EB: hey! youre both really good friends of mine so im just really worried that im gonna suck at this but...  
EB: here goes...  
EB: are you two flirting with me?  
CT: D --> I  
CT:   
TT: Uh.  
TT:  
EB: you _are???_  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Attempts were made  
TT: And very poorly executed courtesy of the dumb horse over there.  
CT: D --> Like your attempts were in ANY way better  
EB: ...  
EB: are you two fighting over me?  
TT: In a sense, but not in the way you’re thinking.  
EB: what other way can you fight over me?   
EB: wait.  
EB: _why_ are you fighting over me?? im. im just me.  
CT: D --> If you want us to stop by all means say so  
CT: D --> I w001dn’t wish to make you uncomfortable  
TT: Yeah, that’s the last thing we’d want.  
EB: but _why?_  
CT: D --> I   
CT: D --> Uhm  
TT: He’s shy and awkward.  
CT: D --> Hey!  
TT: And horns over heels flush for you.  
CT: D --> BI  
CT: D --> Well, he’s stupid and uptight and shades over shoes in love with you, too  
CT: D --> Only I’m the one who had to point it out to him  
TT: Rude.  
CT: D --> I speak only the truth  
EB:   
EB: that’s not w  
EB: really???  
CT: D --> 100%  
TT: We also hate each other.  
EB: D:  
CT: D --> _In the romantic way_  
CT: D --> That’s his stupid way of saying we  
CT: D --> We are  
CT: D --> In a pitch relationship now  
CT: D --> Tell no one  
TT: It’s true.  
EB: so... you guys have hate-makeouts?  
CT: D --> Yes  
TT: And so much more. I had no idea what people did in pitch relationships until now.  
CT: D --> He called the spade symbol a weird 100king fish  
CT: D --> Who even does that  
EB: diiiiiiirrrrk  
EB: you idiot  
CT: D --> Hahahahaha  
TT: Fine. I’m an idiot.  
CT: D --> I have that screenshotted and I am sending it to everyone we know  
TT: You wouldn’t  
EB: equiiuuusss, dont be meeeaaan.  
CT: D --> BI   
CT: D --> Fine  
TT: My reputation lives on for another day.  
EB: why me?  
CT: D --> What?  
EB: why do both of you like me? romantically?   
EB: its weird having two people fight and the winner gets my hand or something.  
EB: im not a damsel in distress!  
TT: Who said anything about winners?  
CT: D --> John did just now, weren’t you listening?  
TT: No, I mean. Why is there going to be a winner?  
EB: because thats how these things go.  
EB: its how they always go.  
EB: why would it go any other way?  
CT: D --> John  
CT: D --> It is now my time to give you knowledge and advice, akin to the advice you have given me earlier  
CT: D --> Vis a vis the bo% debate of a few days ago  
TT: Oh, for fucks sake.  
TT: Not the box debate.  
CT: D --> Yes, the bo% debate  
CT: D --> Your bo% says that the way things go in this situation is:  
CT: D --> Two people fight for one person. The person pi% one and the other is left alone. Usually, the loser can’t get over it and in some cases attempts to cull the winner, because apparently the person they were fighting for is only a possession without any feelings, in their opinion. Sometimes it is the winner that attempts to cull the loser because they are worried the person will choose the loser even though the winner won the person’s hand  
CT: D --> It is a perfectly reasonable bo%, e%cept the culling part; according to Nepeta, it is a “very popular romance trope”  
TT: It is a very popular trope.  
CT: D --> The culling part is only seen either in soap operas on TV or partaken by the most dramatic of team mates  
CT: D --> ... Eridan and Sollu%. This is a reference to Eridan and Sollu% and their fight over Feferi  
CT: D --> ... It’s still happening and I am really close to politely a%ing Feferi to maybe go the easy option and choose a person who treats her like a _person_  
CT: D --> Like Nepeta, or Aradia  
CT: D --> I went off on a tangent but do you get what I mean  
EB: yeah i get you... i dont think there is another box in regard to that particular situation, though. at least, no box i can find anyway.   
CT: D --> John I am here to tell you that this thought of yours is incorrect  
EB: :O  
CT: D --> The bo% you are 100king for has been floating in the Void for a while, and I am about to bring it to light  
TT: Ha, aspect pun.  
CT: D --> BD  
CT: D --> ... Anyway  
CT: D --> To quote a meme, and define the name of this subsection of bo%:  
CT: D --> “Why Not Both?”  
TT: I’m screenshotting that.  
CT: D --> Do that and I’ll screenshot the idiot thing  
TT: You already have.  
CT: D --> _Fuck._  
TT: SCREENSHOTTING.  
CT: D --> DON’T!  
EB: wait.  
EB: is that what you want?  
CT: D --> I mean I am already dating Dirk  
CT: D --> But I w001d not mind  
CT: D --> So long as you don’t  
TT: I don’t mind either.  
TT: We discussed it at Zahhak’s place when we parked the cart in the shade for 2 hours.  
CT: D --> I let him use the transportaliser to get here quicker  
EB:  
EB: _so thats what you two were doing._  
CT: D --> Yes  
TT: The shade was a hiding spot so no one would notice. But you found it.  
CT: D --> My Void powers failed to work  
EB: but why did you say nap??  
TT:   
TT: No reason.  
CT: D --> None at all  
EB:   
EB: _you didnt_  
TT:  
CT:  
EB: YOU DID!!!!!  
CT: D --> _Tell no one_  
CT: D --> _No one must know that we are dating_  
TT: Not even Nepeta?  
CT: D -->   
CT: D --> Maybe make an e%ception for Nepeta  
CT: D --> _But no one else_  
EB: well if you say so!!!!  
TT: So, John. What _do_ you say about... ah, “D -- > Why not both”?  
CT: D --> Hate. Unadulterated loathing  
TT: <3<  
EB: well, its happening really fast! maybe i just need time to... think about it.  
EB: because i think i do, in fact, like you both, and i like playing games with you both!  
EB: ive never really thought about it!  
TT: We can give you time.  
CT: D --> Yes  
EB:  
EB: but then it would be awkward, and i dont want our friendships to be awkward!  
CT: D --> I can pretend nothing is wrong  
TT: Same.  
EB: one date.  
CT: D -->  
TT: Both of us?  
CT: D --> At the same time?  
EB: yes!  
EB: you two can be such IDIOTS sometimes :B  
EB: especially considering how smart you both are.  
EB: one date. just to see what happens.  
EB: then we can... go from there?  
TT: Or pause.  
CT: D --> So   
CT: D --> You’ll be our... auspice, or?  
TT: _EQUIUS._  
CT: D --> Wait, 2 whole matesprits? Is that   
CT: D --> Is that possible  
TT: I already told you it was, and you already told _John_ it was.  
CT: D --> Okay, okay, I was just making sure  
EB: *dave voice* gee john, how come sburb lets you have two boyfriends?  
TT: Oh my God.  
EB: wait fuck.  
EB: “dave why cant you see? youre just not the boy for me! its not you, you know i- just like zahhak and your bro.”  
TT: _John, no._  
CT: D --> !  
EB: my little ponies!!!  
CT: D --> _I’m taller than you_  
EB: by 3 inches. not even that. 2 and a half.  
EB: its not _my_ fault dirks so short.  
TT: _Hey._  
EB: actually it might be; i was the one ecto cloning everyone.  
EB: sorry, dirk.  
TT: ...  
EB: youre fun sized!  
CT: D --> You’re closer to hell  
TT: I will murder both of you in your sleep.  
EB: nah you wont. even if you do though, i dont think thats a Heroic or Just death anyway!  
TT: _I’ll make it Just._  
CT: D --> Please aVOID killing me   
CT: D --> ... How did that capitalisation get there?  
TT: Huh. I dunno.  
EB: it might be a Voidy Thing.  
CT: D --> Like your Windy Thing?  
EB: yeah!  
TT:  
TT: _Heirs._  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [It's like a rainbow!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-BbpaNXbxg)
> 
> [Violets are Blue, Roses are Red. Livin' like this, we were already dead.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpbV7XrF7Jc)
> 
>  
> 
> AKA the chapter with far too many Red vs Blue references. I am completely unapologetic about it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back with a brand new track-

~{ADMIN}~twinArmageddons [~{ADMIN}~TA] opened the world: “raiinbow rumpu2 party town player hub.”

~{ADMIN}~tipsyGnostalgic [~{ADMIN}~TG] joined the world!  
arsenicCatnip [AC] joined the world!  
turntechGodhead [TG] joined the world!  
terminallyCapricious [TC] joined the world!  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined the world!

~{ADMIN}~TG: omg karks you totally missed out on some SWEET SHIIIIT  
CG: I DON’T WANT TO KNOW, NOR DO I CARE.  
~{ADMIN}~TG: but  
CG: STILL DON’T CARE.  
~{ADMIN}~TG: fiiiien  
TG: hey  
TG: can someone please remind me to NEVER BE IN A TEAM WITH MAKARA EVER AGAIN  
TC: LOOKIE RIGHT THE MOTHERFUCK HERE.  
TC: a motherfucker’s jealous of my sicknasty weapon accuracy.  
TG: what fucking weapon accuracy  
TG: you hit literally everything  
TC: my accuracy is 100% y’all don’t know what i’m aiming at.  
TG: bitch you fucking wish

arachnidsGrip [AG] joined the world!

AG: I’m so fucking PISSED that I never got in.   
AG: Like who the fuck was player number 8????????  
TC: me.  
AG: I-  
AG:   
AG: 8H FUCK Y8U, MAKARA  
TC: :o)  
AG: Y8U DON’T EVEN KN8W HOW TO PL8Y THIS G8ME!!!!!!!!  
TC: it’s true, i’m just button mashing.  
TC: has anyone seen equius by the way?  
AC: :// < why does his whereabouts matter to you?  
TC: they don’t i just ain’t see him come back yet.  
TC: or dirk and john for that mattering.  
TC: i be sorta worrying ya know.  
AC: :II < i suppose that makes sense  
AC: :33 < if it makes you f33l better i know where he is  
TC: oh cool.  
TC: where?  
AC: :33 < none of your business  
AC: :33  
TC:  
TC: wow, fuck you.  
AC: :33 < >:3c  
TG: btw, do you really want smuppets  
TC: i don’t know what they are.  
TC: but if you hate them, then a motherfucker _needs_ them.  
TG: you are literally the worst person  
TG: you know that right?  
TC: yeah.  
TG: wait what  
TG: no   
TG: youre supposed to not fuckin say yeah to that  
TC: well it’s true i’m the all time worst.  
TC: ain’t nothing in the universe that’s gonna change that.  
TG: just  
TG: oh my god  
TG: never mind  
TC: :o?  
CG: BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP.   
~{ADMIN}~TA: yeah 2eriiou2ly.   
~{ADMIN}~TA: ii can’t beliieve ii’m teamiing up wiith KK here two tell you a22hole2 thii2.

adiosToreador [AT] joined the world!  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined the world!

GC: N3XT T1M3 YOU DO SOM3 BULLSH1T L1K3 4 T34M G4M3 YOU R34LLY SHOULD 1NV1T3 3V3RYON3  
~{ADMIN}~TA: and mod by my2elf? no fuckiing thank2.  
GC: OK4Y F41R PO1NT  
GC: BUT 4T L34ST OP3N SOM3TH1NG FOR TH3 R3ST OF US WH1L3 W3 W41T FOR YOUR STUP1D G4M3 TO F1N1SH  
GC: W3R3 YOU 3V3N MODD1NG PROP3RLY??  
~{ADMIN}~TG: shes got u there bruh  
~{ADMIN}~TG: you werent even modding like u usually do  
~{ADMIN}~TG: u were messin around with the rest fo us  
~{ADMIN}~TG: like when john n eq were flirting w dirk yall were like ‘yooo this is interestifn af’  
~{ADMIN}~TA: ii wa2 NOT.  
CG: WOAH, WOAH, WOAH.   
CG: HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE, ROXY.  
CG: ***WHAT.***  
~{ADMIN}~TG: i told ya uou missed out on some sweet shit!  
CG: WELL, I WASN’T EXPECTING THE SHIT TO BE THIS.  
TC: do you want the screenshots?  
CG: UH, YEAH??   
TC: okay.  
CG: ... YOU DON’T HAVE THEM, DO YOU?  
TC: no, but i know _someone_ does.  
CG: DO YOU KNOW WHO????  
TC: uhhh...  
CG: YOU DON’T, DO YOU?  
TC: nope.  
~{ADMIN}~TG: i do  
~{ADMIN}~TG: >:3c  
CG: WELL??  
CG: WHO HAS THEM????  
~{ADMIN}~TG: ...  
CG: IT’S YOU, ISN’T IT.  
~{ADMIN}~TG: ya it is  
CG: FOR FUCKS SAKE.  
~{ADMIN}~TG: ill DM u  
CG: THANKS.

~{MOD}~tentacleTherapist [~{MOD}~TT] joined the world!  
gutsyGumshoe [GG] joined the world!

~{MOD}~TT: I see the world has been reopened.  
TC: oh hey jane.  
GG: Hello to you, too.  
AG: Woah, woah. 8ack up a little here.  
AG: Equius?  
AG: _Flirting????????_  
AG: You have GOT to 8e kidding me.  
~{MOD}~TT: Oh?  
TC: i be kinds of confusion but i be thinking that there were some definite evidence of the flirting kind there.  
TC: like, he straight up and winky-faced a motherfucker.  
TC: not at any old motherfucker, at the orange motherfucker.  
AG: What????????  
TC: B;o)  
TC: or something.  
AG: I’m assuming without that stupid clown nose.  
TC: honk.  
GC: 3NOUGH P1LLOW T4LK, SHOW TH3 3V1D3NC3 TO TH3 JURY  
TC: i dont have screenshots, roxy does.  
TC: she literally just said she does.  
GC: TH3N 1TS SL4ND3R!!!  
GG: Technically, it’s libel.  
GC: D3T41LS  
TC: i have no idea what either of those words _mean._  
CG: MOTHER OF THE LORD HOLY TROLL JESUS AND HIS GANG OF DISCIPLES.  
~{MOD}~TT: Isn’t your ancestor ‘Troll Jesus’, and the gang of Disciples his motley crew consisting of Nepeta’s ancestor, Sollux’s ancestor, and Kanaya’s ancestor?   
~{MOD}~TT: Because I would class it as rather brazen to say your ancestors name in such a fashion.   
~{MOD}~TT: Or is it that you have a fixation on him? Only time will tell.  
~{MOD}~TT: Dave, do tell.  
TG: hey, its aradia thats made of time  
TG: not me  
~{MOD}~TT: I see.  
TG: and karkats just lonely, thats all  
CG: BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP. I’VE JUST WITNESSED THE GATES OF HELL, AND IT IS SOME HAPLESS WRECKS OF WORTHLESS BEINGS ATTEMPTING TO FLIRT WITH AN OPPOSING PARTY WITHOUT KNOWING THAT THE OTHER IS BLATANTLY FLIRTING. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?? HOW CAN YOU BE THIS DENSE??  
CG: NEPETA, HOW IS YOUR MOIRAIL THAT DENSE???  
AC: :33 < he has a thick skull  
AC: :33 < no nonsense there, only facts  
AC: :33 < and hopeless dreams of love which will never come true  
AC: :33 < ... i think  
CG:  
CG: FORGET THAT I EVEN ASKED.  
CG: DAVE, HOW IS HE LIKE THIS???  
TG: ... john?  
CG: YES, FUCK FACE.   
TG: uh  
TG: well hes pretty sheltered  
CG: THAT EXPLAINS IT.  
CG: EXPLAINS EQUIUS, TOO. CASE CLOSED. TIME FOR ANOTHER CHALLENGE OF THE MINECRAFTING VARIETY.  
CG: ... WHAT ELSE CAN YOU EVEN DO ON THIS GAME?  
TG: idk man  
TG: should we just play roblox? At least that has mini games  
CG: WHAT THE EVERLOVING SHIT PAN OF A FUCK IS “ROBLOX”??  
AT: hARD PASS,  
AT: i DON’T TRUST LIKE THAT,  
CG: THAT IS A BLATANT LIE, TAVROS.  
AT: mAYBE SO, bUT i’M NOT PLAYING, rOBLOX,,  
AT: fUCK THAT GAME,  
TG: come on bro  
TG: you havent even given it a chance  
AT: i HAVE, aND QUITE FRANKLY, i HATE IT,  
TG: strong words for a weenie  
AT: fIGHT ME IN REAL LIFE, bITCH,  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, what the fuck????????  
TG: put em up thot  
TG: lets throw some hands  
AT: yOU’LL, hAVE TO CATCH THEM, fIRST,  
TG: damn straight  
TG: were gonna throw down harder than the hoedown throwdown up in here  
~{ADMIN}~TA: ii long for the 2weet relea2e of death.  
TC: mood.  
TC: constant mood.  
CG: EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP.

ectoBiologist [EB] joined the world!

EB: hi guys, what are we talking about?  
TG: you being sheltered  
EB: if anyones sheltered its  
EB: ...   
EB: im not sheltered is my point.  
TG: john, dont lie to yourself  
TC: it only leads to you hopes and dreams crashing and dying. don’t recommend.  
TG: exactly  
TG: wait what  
TC: what?  
TG: why am i agreeing with you  
TC: because i’m right?  
TG: i know but  
TG: it defies the natural order of things  
TC: shit, you right.  
TC: uh  
TC: where are you right now???

[MOD]timaeusTestified [[MOD]TT]  joined the world!

TG: im at the dick museum  
TG: ... why  
[MOD]TT: Hey.

turntechGodhead has been slain by terminallyCapricious!

TG: OH YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH  
TC: :oD  
TC: natural order has been ReStOrEd.  
EB: HAHAHAHAHAHA  
[MOD]TT: Here lies Dave Strider. He died how he lived.  
[MOD]TT: Surrounded by dicks.  
TG: B R O  
CG: HE’S NOT FUCKING WRONG, DAVE. ESPECIALLY IF THE “DICK OUIJA” IS ANYTHING TO GO BY.  
[MOD]TT: _What?_  
TC: SGSHSJRKDKDJSJDJZ  
TG: KARKAT, SHUT UP.  
[MOD]TT: I nearly spat up my orange soda, oh my God.  
TG: ...   
TG: this is all your fault makara  
TC: honk :oP

golothasTerror [GT]  joined the world!

EB: what the fuck is a dick ouija?  
GT: I  
GT: You know what im not going to ask.  
[MOD]TT: I think it’s sexline for corporeals wanting non-corporeal sex, John.  
TG: _bro. that is NOT what dick ouija is._  
[MOD]TT: Let Karkat tell me then. Or you tell me. How could you keep Dick Ouija from me?  
TG: im  
TC: look on the brightside, strider.  
TG: what fucking brightside?  
TC: at least everything is restored back to normal now.   
GT: Oh bugger.  
TG: fuck you makara  
GT: Bee Are Bee folks.

golothasTerror is AFK.

[MOD]TT:  
[MOD]TT: How did I have a crush on you?  
[MOD]TT: How did I _date_ you?  
TG: you have a boner for unbelievable dorks obviously  
[MOD]TT: What?  
[MOD]TT: What makes you say that?  
~{ADMIN}~TG: bc its tru obv   
~{ADMIN}~TG: u cant deny it dirky  
[MOD]TT: Why would I deny it, it’s an incorrect assumption anyway.   
EB: yeah, what makes you think hes into dorks, huh?  
TG:  
AC:   
~{ADMIN}~TG:  
~{ADMIN}~TG: noythin john  
~{ADMIN}~TG: nothgin at all  
EB: exactly!  
EB: now everything is a-ok and nothing bad is going to happen.

centaursTesticle [CT] joined the world!

EB: see?  
CT: D --> Hello  
EB: hi!

arachnidsGrip has drowned in lava!

EB: okay maybe i spoke too soon.  
AG: _YOOOOOOOOU_  
GC: VR1SK4?  
AG: N8 G88D   
GC: VR1SK4???  
AG: MOTH8RF8CKING   
GC: VR1SK4?????  
AG: NOOK M8NCHING  
GC: WH4T H4PP3NED???????  
AG: S8N 8F 8 8AST8RDISED 8ITCH!!!!!!!!  
TC: i have no motherfucking messiahs damned idea what’s going on but i didnt do it.  
AG: 8 KN8W Y8U D8DN’T F8CK8NG D8 8T Y8U 8ULGES8CKER, Y8U’RE N8WHERE ***N8AR M8.***  
CT: D --> What happened while I was not around?  
AG: I HAD SO MUCH F8CKING DIAM8ND AND SOME ***8SSH8LE*** (I’M L88KING 8T Y8U EQU8US, WH8 JUST SP8WNED N8XT T8 M3 AND 8S ACT8NG L8KE N8TH8NG H8PPENED) P8SHED ME 8NTO L8V8!!!!!!!!  
CG: SO REALLY, NOTHING WORTH NOTING HAS HAPPENED, HONESTLY.   
AG: Y8U W8NN8 F8CK8NG G8, K8RK8T????????  
AG: C8ME 8T ME 8RO I’M RIPPED.  
TG: damn  
TG: i heard that vriska had an 8 pack  
TG: that vriska was shredded  
GC: ...  
GC: TH4T M3M3 1S SO 4PPROPR14T3 R1GHT NOW TH4T 1 DONT KNOW 1F 1 SHOULD B3 M4D OR CONGR4TUL4T3 YOU  
TG: thanks  
AG: EQU8US, Y8U FUCKING ***SP8WNK8LLED ME!!!!!!!!***  
CT: D -->   
CT: D --> Whoops  
AG: AP8LOG8SE!!!!!!!!  
CT: D --> No  
AG: _WH8T?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!_  
CT: D --> Not until you learn how to control your eights  
AG: 8GH!!!!!!!!  
GC: FOR FUCKS S4KE  
TC: where were you anyway, equib  
TC: equius?  
CT:  
CT: D --> Nowhere  
TC: oh really?  
CT: D --> Yes, I have been nowhere  
CT: D --> Casually floating through the endless VOID  
CT: D --> ... I wish that w001d stop capitalising  
CT: D --> Anyway, I was just not around to join the world until now, that’s all  
TC: what do you mean, “Stop capitalising”, like  
TC: aren’t you the motherfucker capitalising???  
CT: D --> If I were, then it w001dn’t be capitalised in the first place  
TC: huh. Weird.  
CT: D --> It really is, I don’t like it  
CT: D --> I want it to stop but it won’t  
TC: that sucks.  
AC: :33 < wait, what  
AC: :// < what do you mean youve floating around in the endless void  
AC: 33:< < what the heckquius, equius  
CT: D -->   
CT: D --> ‘Heckquius?’  
AC: :33 < yes  
CT: D --> Anyway I was  
CT: D --> What is known as ‘Playing a joke’  
CT: D --> It’s quite fun  
CT: D --> Highly recommended  
AC: :33 < so you gotta tell me what happened!!!!  
CT: D --> I shall  
CT: D --> Through the medium of ‘DM’ing  
CT: D --> Because unlike some people, I don’t air my issues in the public eye  
[MOD]TT: What the Heckquius, Equius.  
CT: D --> Take this:  
CT: D --> “tot”  
[MOD]TT: Tot?  
CT: D --> No, not tot  
CT: D --> why w001d I write tot?  
CT: D --> What even is a ‘tot’?  
[MOD]TT: ... If that’s a ‘Flipping the double bird’ emoji in text form, then you really need to learn how to make emoticons.  
CT: D --> Die  
[MOD]TT: Hey, I was right, it was a flip the double bird emoji.  
CT: D --> Die painfully  
CT: D --> I’ll use what just happened to Vriska’s character as an e%ample as to how you sh001d go about dying  
CT: D --> That is, drowning in lava  
CT: D --> Maybe you sh001d fall through the world again  
[MOD]TT: That happened one time.  
[MOD]TT:   
[MOD]TT: Okay, _maybe_ twice.  
[MOD]TT:   
[MOD]TT: Seriously?  
CT: D --> ...  
CT: D --> Ro%y, mod me please  
~{ADMIN}~TG: hmmmm  
[MOD]TT: Roxy, don’t.  
[MOD]TT: He’s just going to make me fall through the world.  
~{ADMIN}~TG: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

~{ADMIN}~TG has changed [MOD]TT’s nickname to ~{MOD}~TT!

~{MOD}~TT: Roxy, why.  
~{ADMIN}~TG: ;)

~{ADMIN}~TG has changed CT’s nickname to [BABYMOD]CT!

~{MOD}~TT: _ROXY, WHY??_  
~{ADMIN}~TA: THII2 II2 ONE OF THE REA2ON2 WHY II HATE GIIVIING YOU POWER, RX.  
~{ADMIN}~TG: ;) ;)  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> I can’t believe that worked  
~{MOD}~TT: I hate everything about this.  
~{ADMIN}~TG: embrace the squiggles  
~{MOD}~TT: Tildes. They’re tildes.  
~{MOD}~TT: You should know this.  
~{ADMIN}~TG: _EMBRACE THE SQUIGGLES, DIRK._  
~{ADMIN}~TG: _EMBRACE THEM !!!!!!!!1_  
~{MOD}~TT: Yes. Embrace the loving caress of the ‘squiggle’.   
~{ADMIN}~TG: ROSIE KNOWS!!!!  
~{MOD}~TT:  
~{MOD}~TT: I used the square brackets so you could differentiate myself from Rose.   
~{MOD}~TT: He does make a good point.  
~{MOD}~TT: We have a rather similar typing style, and the same acronym.  
~{MOD}~TT: The main difference is the the fact our colours are on opposite ends of the spectrum.   
~{MOD}~TT: They are almost complimentary. Had I used Yellow instead of Orange, it would be. But, by being orange, my colour is more complimentary to that of blue.   
~{MOD}~TT: Exactly.  
~{ADMIN}~TG:  
~{ADMIN}~TG: UUGHGHGHHHHH  
~{ADMIN}~TG: FIIIIHNE  
~{ADMIN}~TG: TAKE UR STUPID SQUARES, _SQUARE_  
~{MOD}~TT: *Indignant gasp*  
~{MOD}~TT: I am _not_ a square.

~{ADMIN}~TG has changed ~{MOD}~TT’s nickname to [MOD]TT!

[MOD]TT: Yay.  
AG: Equius.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Yes, Vriska  
AG: Apologise.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> I am sorry for spawn-killing you  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Where are you right now  
AG: What, so you can kill me again?  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> I swear I won’t kill you again  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> On my Honour  
AG: You’ll just 8acksta8 me. It’s what we do, 8acksta8.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Oh, just come over here  
AG: Fiiiiiiiine!!!!!!!!  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> There you are  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Take this as an apology  
AG: Oh, holy SHIT.  
AG: Thanks!  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Well, it IS my foalt that you lost all the diamond after all  
EB: ehehe, foalt. Like foal and fault.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Yes, like that  
AG: Huh. Maybe you’re not that 8ad of a mod after all.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> It’s a recent development  
AG: I know, I was there.  
AG: It happened literally 8 minutes ago.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Now if you e%cuse me, I need to do something  
EB: dont do anything stupid, equius.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> The only thing stupid about what I’m going to do is the fact I sh001d have done it earlier  
EB: what?  
[MOD]TT: I told you he’d make me fall through the world. I told you.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Where is it  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Aha!  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Finally, you have returned to me  
[MOD]TT: Huh?  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> ...  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> I was right  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> It’s not the same  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Why are you so small  
[MOD]TT: You spawned a horse, didn’t you?  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Of course I spawned a hoofbeast, Dirk  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> What do you e%pect?  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Mr Maplehoof Deleter  
[MOD]TT: Oh come _on,_ that happened ages ago.  
[MOD]TT: I said I’d spawn a new one but you said no!  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> It’s  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Not   
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> The  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Same  
[MOD]TT: I know but it would have made you feel better at least.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> No  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Now if you’ll e%cuse me, Minihoof and I are going for a trot  
[MOD]TT: Eq  
[MOD]TT: Ugh, why do I bother. [MOD]TT: Why do I even _care?_  
EB: what are you going to do about it?  
[MOD]TT: Nothing, obviously.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> I can _see_ you following my character  
[MOD]TT:  
[MOD]TT: No you can’t.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Yes I can  
[MOD]TT: No you _can’t._  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Yes I can  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> You can’t use ninja skills in Minecraft, Dirk  
[MOD]TT: Yes I can.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> No you can’t  
[MOD]TT: Yes I _can._  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> No  
[MOD]TT: Yes.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> No  
[MOD]TT: Yes.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> No  
[MOD]TT: Yes.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> No  
[MOD]TT: Yes.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> No  
[MOD]TT: Y  
[MOD]TT: Oh, shit.  
GG: :B  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> What?  
[MOD]TT: I’m falling.

timaeusTestified fell through the world!

[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Oh  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> What happened  
[MOD]TT: I fell down a hole.  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo!  
[MOD]TT: _JANE._  
GG: I sure got you good, Dirk.  
[MOD]TT: I can’t even stay mad at you.  
[MOD]TT: Equius I am heading to your location.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Okay  
[MOD]TT: I am here. Hello.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Hi  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> W001d you like to ride my horse  
[MOD]TT: Would I?  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> W001d you?  
[MOD]TT: Would I?  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> W001d you?  
EB: if he doesnt, i certainly will! ;B  
~{ADMIN}~TG: _:OOO_  
CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Is something wrong?  
CG: GET A FUCKING BLOCK.  
EB: whats that supposed to mean??  
[MOD]TT: Yes.  
CG: OH, YOU KNOW ***EXACTLY*** WHAT I MEAN.  
[MOD]TT: _Hell_ yes.  
EB: no i dont.  
EB: :B  
[MOD]TT: Hell.  
[MOD]TT: Fucking.  
[MOD]TT: _Yes!_  
EB: you rode the horse didnt you?  
[MOD]TT: Of course I rode the horse, John. What do you take me for?  
[MOD]TT: I’d never let an opportunity like that slip away.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Somehow you managed to ride Minihoof incorrectly  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> But you got there in the end  
[MOD]TT: Oh, fuck you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though this chapter may seem incomplete, I have plans for it! Just... Bear with me pls. I am a very slow updater and I apologise.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk and Nepeta have a heart to heart, and Dave decides to have a voice chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT'S THIS???? TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE MONTH???????
> 
> Also, this is a 2-part chapter! There will be the in-game shenanigans in the next chapter as to what happens during the voice chat

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling timaeusTestified [TT] at 19:45! --

AC: :33 < hey dirk?  
AC: :33 < we need to talk.  
TT: Oh, hey Nepeta.  
TT: What’s up?  
AC: :33 < mewre pitch with my meowrail, yes?  
TT: If pitch means we’re rivals who snog periodically and send stupid fish looking symbols to each other, then yes. I suppose we are in a ‘Pitch relationship’.  
TT: I’m assuming by meowrail you mean moirail.  
TT: Good pun, by the way.  
AC: :33 < h33h33, thanks!  
AC: 33: < no wait  
AC: :// < damn it, ive done it all wrong 33:  
AC: 33:< < curse your hospitality!  
TT: Southern hospitality, my friend. Or at least, a cheap emulation of it I picked up through movies.  
TT: Growing up in what would technically be the future for most people is hard, and no one understands.  
AC: 33: < damn, i can bet...  
TT: Anyway, back to the point, what did you want to tell me?  
TT: You’re all here about to tell me something that I’m assuming may be very important regarding my relationship with your moirail, and then I go and ram you down by complimenting your cat puns and start talking about my woes of living in the future.  
TT: I apologise for running over your trail of thought like that.  
AC:   
AC: :(( < i furgot what my trail of thought even _was_  
TT: Something about Equius and I.  
TT: Possibly our relationship.  
AC:   
AC: :DD < OH YEAH!  
AC: :33 < i need to give you a good ribbing down  
AC: :33 < a _very good_ ribbing down, mister  
AC: :33 < dont worry, ill do the same with john too  
AC: :33 < ...   
AC: :SS < though i dont wanna scare john away, he seems purretty sensitive  
AC: :33 < so im trying it out on you first!  
TT: Good to know.  
AC: :33 < i mean  
AC: :33 < _technically_  
AC: :33 < im only meant to do this with my meowrails matesprit but like i said before  
AC: :33 < john seems r33lly sensitive  
AC: :33 < and a _little bit sheltered_  
AC: :33 < and you s33m more like a troll! i mean, for a human anyway  
AC: :33 < no offence  
TT: None taken.  
TT: Like I said, I landed in a dystopian future surrounded by water and had to fight drones and catch my own food to survive.  
TT: ... God, I really am a troll.  
AC: :33 < s33?  
TT: Also yes, John is... remarkably sheltered.  
TT: I think it’s an heir thing, because sometimes I find Equius falling into the same umbrella.   
AC: :33 < or, a blueblood thing  
AC: :33 < john seems very indigo-y in my opinion  
AC: :33 < if he were a troll, i mean  
TT: Are you trying to create John’s trollsona?  
AC: 33: < NOT INTENTIONALLY!!  
TT: No, please. Carry on. What would I be. What is my Trollsona?  
TT: Where would I fall on this large spectrum of troll-like blood?  
AC: :33 < hmm  
AC: :33 < tough question...  
AC: :33 < my best bet for you would honestly be violet!  
TT: Wait, what?  
TT: Isn’t that like, basically the highest one bar the Empress?  
TT:   
TT: Why would I be Violet?  
AC: :33 < i dunno!  
AC: :33 < your purrsonality is very...   
AC: :33 < violet like!  
AC: :33 < i mean  
AC: :33 < you wear a hat on your shirt because you dont want to wreck your hair and if that isnt violet i dont know what is! :PP  
TT:   
TT: Okay, I feel very called out right now.  
AC: :33 < defurnitely violet  
TT: Oh my God.  
TT: Okay, so apparently I’m Violet. Let’s say I agree.  
TT: What would that make me?  
AC: :33 < youre an aquo  
TT: A what?  
AC: :33 < an aquo! thats the name of the sign, dummy  
AC: :33 < like [this](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/403547885624360960/440189403655307265/sign_11_07.png)!  
TT: This is more in-depth than I had originally thought.  
AC: :33 < what, you werent expecting this?  
TT: Well, if I’m doing it out of irony, I might as well go all the way through with it.  
TT: I have a sign, I have a blood colour.  
TT: Now all I need is a Quirk.  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < you type all Prim and Proper-Like  
TT: Perfect grammar for ironic purposes.  
TT: It’s imperative for those who truly wish to get into the intricacies of full irony.  
AC: :33 < you could your shades to the start of your messages?  
TT: That reminds me of Arquiussprite and I don’t want a repeat run of _that_ road.  
AC: :33 < aww...  
AC: :33 < how about a hat?  
TT: A hat?   
TT: Hmm, I can try and work with that.  
TT: Hmm.  
TT: <|  
TT: <| < Hello.  
TT: No, that’s stupid.  
TT: [_| < This is only remotely better. Better by approximately 2 letters.  
AC: :33 < not gonna lie  
AC: :33 < it looks purretty stupid.  
TT: Well it can’t be that, either.  
AC: :33 < youll figure one out sooner or later!  
TT: Maybe. Maybe not.  
TT: Let’s take a look at that sign again.  
TT: ]How about so _m_ ething like this for _m_ y quirk?[  
AC: :OO  
AC: :33 < that looks r33lly cool!!!!  
TT: ]Thank you. I take pride in _m_ y work.[  
TT: ] _W_ ould using it on _m_ y _w_ ’s _w_ ork too?[  
AC: :33 < yeah!!!!  
AC: :33 < soooo coool!!!!!  
TT: ]Thank you.[  
AC: :33 < h33h33.  
TT: ]I’ _m_ keeping _m_ y orange, ho _w_ ever.[  
AC: :33 < i mean, as a violet you basically _can_  
AC: :33 < no one tells them what to do!  
TT: ] _W_ ell, that’s rather rude.[  
AC: :33 < yep!  
AC: :33 < by the way, you dont have to keep doing that if you dont want to.  
TT: ]This is _w_ ho I a _m_ , Nepeta. This is _m_ y life no _w_. I _w_ ill forever talk like this.[  
AC: :33 < if you say so!  
TT: ]But seriously, I’ _m_ doing this so I can get used to using it in conversation.[  
TT: ] _W_ e can’t have _m_ e accidentally drop quirk no _w_ , can _w_ e?[  
TT: ]I _w_ ould beco _m_ e a laughing stock.[  
TT: ] _W_ hat _w_ ould Equius think?[  
AC: :||  
AC: :|| < youre doing this to tease equius arent you  
TT: ]Abso-fucking-lutely.[  
TT: ] _M_ y one goal is to tease Equius.[  
TT: ]I have co _m_ e to realise that seeing hi _m_ flustered _m_ akes _m_ e feel _w_ eird things. I’ _m_ honestly not entirely sure _w_ hat I’ _m_ feeling, but god da _m_ n a _m_ I feeling it.[  
TT: ]I get _w_.  
TT: Okay, I’m going to drop the quirk momentarily to say:  
TT: I get what it _is_ now, I understand what I’m feeling for him. But I hate myself for feeling it, because I.  
TT: He’s.   
TT: It’s complicated.  
AC: :?? < how so?  
TT: Let me phrase this with an example.  
TT: Let’s say you were out one day, and you found some who was basically all you ever looked for in a person.  
TT: Strong, loves horses, interested in robots, the whole shebang.  
TT: Then when he opens his mouth you realise that everything he says is predominantly wrong, but he doesn’t know that.   
TT: And then you think to yourself:  
TT: What if _I’m_ wrong?   
TT: What if his methods of going about building this thing are right and it’s me with my limited human knowledge of robotics that’s wrong?  
TT: And then when you _try_ his methods yourself, you realise that maybe it _is_ him that’s right. But instead of feeling mad at him for doing the seemingly simpler method, you feel mad at yourself for completing your work in such a convoluted way.  
TT: And I think the weirdest part of all is, well.  
TT: I feel kind of... proud of him for figuring the method out?  
TT: That’s what makes this so weird.  
TT: Why I can’t seem to describe what it is I’m feeling, because I’ve never felt _anything_ like this.  
TT: I would say I want it to stop, but I’m interested in where it might go.  
TT: I think that’s the worst part.  
TT: I can’t stop thinking of ways I can one-up him. What can I do next? What will _he_ do next? I’m fascinated.   
TT: Weirded out, but fascinated nonetheless.   
AC: :33 < you r33lly hate him, dont you?  
TT: More than you’ll ever know.  
AC: :33 < thats all i n33ded to hear  
AC: :33 < anyway  
AC: :33 < trolls have this special thing where a trolls moirail   
AC: :33 < or best hate-friend, in absence of a moirail  
AC: :33 < threatens the life out of their moirails new matesprit whilst at the same time congratulating their relationship  
AC: :33 < basically ‘hurt my moirail and i will gut you, but other than that i hope youre both happy togefur’  
TT: Adorable, yet slightly terrifying.   
TT: I bet you’re amazing at doing that.  
AC: :33 < actually  
AC: :33 < ive nefur done it before!  
AC: :33 < i mean  
AC: :33 < his relationship with aradia was just weird and kept flipping pitch and flush so i didnt know if i should have then  
AC: :33 < and after she exploded he didnt r33lly date anyone afterwards  
AC: :33 < even when we all came back to life, before he joined me in minecraft, he kept himself to  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < himself!  
AC: :33 < and even getting him to play minecraft was an ordeal  
AC: B33 < D --> No Nepeta, I will not play childish games like that  
AC: B33 < D --> I have had enough gaming e%perience for one lifetime, I do not need any more  
AC: :33 < or something  
AC: :33 < ...   
AC: :33 < i only convinced him to play because i said there were horses in it  
AC: :33 < so   
TT: I see why you were so annoyed when I accidently deleted Maplehoof.  
TT: You were worried he’d never want to play again, and go back into his shell and sustain a life of almost complete solitude  
AC: :33 < yes, i was  
AC: :33 < you can imagine my surprise when he continued to play it though!  
AC: B33 < D --> I’ll delete _his_ entity  
AC: B33 < D --> His entity of _e%istance_  
AC: :33 < or something  
AC: :33 < and then the art festival happened  
TT: It wasn’t actually an Art Festival  
AC: :33 < i know  
AC: :33 < but he doesnt  
TT: Oh?  
TT: _Oh._  
TT: You know, that explains a lot.  
TT: Anyway, so he continued to play despite Maplehoof being deleted.  
AC: :33 < initially, it was out of spite because of what you did  
AC: :33 < he wanted, for some reason, to be better than you at it  
AC: :33 < he bumped into john mid-game then   
AC: :33 < and then he grew to like the game because of john and he had a lot more fun playing it  
AC:   
AC: :33 < ...  
AC: :33 < what was my point  
TT: Minecraft’s helped Equius become less of a fucking stick in the mud?  
AC: :33 < its helped him socialise better!  
AC: :33 < and its all started because of spite from what _you_ did  
TT: I see.  
AC: :33 < and if you ever tear his spade into tiny little shreds and leave him broken and make him return back to keeping himself to himself?  
AC: :33 < lets say i have a particular set of skills  
AC: :33 < skills i have obtained ofur a long car33r of hunting cholerbears  
AC: :33 < fur fun and fur food  
AC: :33 < i can rip you limb by fucking limb and _will do so_ if ever the n33d arises  
AC: :33 < i will watch you squirm in a sick gl33 as i rip out your weird human organs out of your sorry excuse for a body  
AC: :33 < or, if for some reason i _dont_ want you gruesomely dead  
AC: :33 < i can always rely on my pawers as the rogue of heart  
AC: :33 < i can rip your soul out  
AC: :33 < and because youre a heart player too  
AC: :33 < i can make you watch as i tear it apart, and put it back inside you  
AC: :33 < so you can nefur splinter again  
AC: :33 < youll only break  
AC: :33 < and all of this will be beclaws you thought it a good idea to fuck with my meowrails spade  
AC: :33 < so dont do that, alright? :33  
TT:  
TT: I.  
TT: I won’t fuck with your meowrails spade, I promise.  
TT:   
TT: Please don’t tear my soul apart.  
TT: I do enough of that myself as it is.  
AC: :33 < i know, your soul is on a fine line between existing and destroying itself and its kind of annoying  
AC: :33 < but! ill only destroy it if you push me to do so :33  
TT: Which I will never.  
AC: :33 < if thats the case, i hope you and my meowrail have a fulfilling kismesitude!  
TT: Thank you.  
TT: Wait.  
TT: Is.  
TT: Was _that_ the tradition thing?   
AC: :33 < yeah  
AC: :(( < was i too soft?  
TT: Honey, you scared the living daylights out of me. It came out of nowhere.   
TT: It was fantastic.  
TT: I do suggest toning it down for John. Maybe don’t mention the soul-tearing thing.  
AC: :33 < that was just for you anyway  
AC: :33 < because your souls pr33ty much ruined :PP  
TT: Wow, thanks.  
AC: :33 < plus you can watch me do it because youre a heart player! john cant watch me tear his soul apart, hes _breath_  
TT: True.  
TT: Either way, though, it might scare John away.  
AC: :(( < i know, and i dont want that to happen  
AC: :33 < can you help me figure out a way to word it to him?  
TT: Sure. I don’t see why not.  
AC: :33 < :DD  
AC: :33 < thank you!  
TT: First off, I would keep in the “fighting bears” thing because it shows your STRENGTH.  
TT: Strength*, fuck.  
AC: :33 < someones spent too much time with equius~  
TT: Shh. Anyway, keep that in, but tone down the gore. God, please turn down the gore.  
AC: :33 < gore has been turned down!  
TT: So, give me a small run down of what you might say to him and I’ll analyse it, ok?  
AC: :33 < okay!  
AC: :33 < well... 

* * *

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 22:30! --

AC: :33 < john?  
AC: :33 < john???

ectoBiologist [EB] is idle!

AC: 33:   
AC: :33 < text me later, ok?

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 22:31! --

* * *

TG: hey who wants to vc  
~{MOD}~TT: Dave. It’s 3 in the morning. Who in their right mind would voice chat right now?  
TC: yeah! i’ll voice chat with ya if ya be wanting me to :oO  
~{MOD}~TT: Of course you would.  
TC: ... wait, minecraft has voice chat?  
TG: i was just thinkin of a voicechat call, nothing in-game  
TG: there isnt any reason for it though  
TC: oh.  
TC: okay.  
TC: i mean, it is a little late, anyway.  
TC: you’re probably making the right decision.  
TG:   
TG: okay one, fuck you  
TG: two, answer your messages jfc  
TC: what messages?  
TG: your “not trollian” messages  
TC: what do you  
TC: oh.  
TC: _oh,_ okay.

* * *

\-- sbahj creator began instant messaging ICP CAN MOTHER FUCKING DIE at 03.39! --

sbahj creator: gamzee  
sbahj creator: gam  
sbahj creator: bro  
sbahj creator: answer your fucking messages oh my god  
sbahj creator: at least i THINK your makara  
sbahj creator: if youre not please ignore  
sbahj creator: but if you are  
sbahj creator: answer your fucking messages  
sbahj creator: wait fuck does he even know  
sbahj creator: god damn it gamzee  
ICP CAN MOTHER FUCKING DIE: what did i do now?  
sbahj creator: ah, there you are  
sbahj creator: lazarus awoke and answered his fucking texts for once  
ICP CAN MOTHER FUCKING DIE: oh fuck you.  
sbahj creator: i cant believe this is your username now btw  
sbahj creator: karkats gonna be pissed  
ICP CAN MOTHER FUCKING DIE: he can be pissed all he wants the point of the matter is those blasphemous shitbags should be all getting their MOTHERFUCKING DIE ON ALREADY AND PHASE THROUGH INTO THE DEPTHS OF HELL, AND DROWN IN FIRE AND FLAME.  
ICP CAN MOTHER FUCKING DIE: THEY DON’T DESERVE TO ENTER SHANGRI-LA.  
sbahj creator: shanny what  
ICP CAN MOTHER FUCKING DIE: don’t attempt to understand what you can’t up and even fathom. you just look like an idiot.  
sbahj creator: im going to change my username to spite you now  
ICP CAN MOTHER FUCKING DIE: THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA CHANGE IT TO?  
BARE MY CLOWN YOUNG ICP: how do you like them apples?  
ICP CAN MOTHER FUCKING DIE:   
ICP CAN MOTHER FUCKING DIE: i died reading that.  
ICP CAN MOTHER FUCKING DIE: i literally died.  
ICP CAN MOTHER FUCKING DIE: you killed me.  
ICP CAN MOTHER FUCKING DIE: i’m dead.  
ICP CAN MOTHER FUCKING DIE: i’m dead and it’s all your fault.  
BARE MY CLOWN YOUNG ICP: oh really?  
BARE MY CLOWN YOUNG ICP: ... oh shit, you actually did fucking die  
BARE MY CLOWN YOUNG ICP: lol rip  
ICP CAN MOTHER FUCKING DIE:   
DAVE IS A TEAM-KILLING PRICK: there. that’s what you are.  
GAM IS A TEAM-KILLING TWAT: you killed me first.  
GAM IS A TEAM-KILLING TWAT: even stevens, my   
GAM IS A TEAM-KILLING TWAT: uh  
GAM IS A TEAM-KILLING TWAT: what are you to me  
DAVE IS A TEAM-KILLING PRICK: the fuck is that supposed to mean??  
GAM IS A TEAM-KILLING TWAT: like  
GAM IS A TEAM-KILLING TWAT: id normally say friend but like i cant tell if were even friends  
GAM IS A TEAM-KILLING TWAT: were not acquaintances bc we know too much abt each other  
GAM IS A TEAM-KILLING TWAT: and friend seems too strong  
GAM IS A TEAM-KILLING TWAT: hate-friend sounds stupid.  
GAM IS A TEAM-KILLING TWAT: and i am NOT in ANY WAY romantically inclined to date you pitch, before that comes up.  
DAVE IS A TEAM-KILLING PRICK: you say that as if i’d even want to date you pitch.  
DAVE IS A TEAM-KILLING PRICK: like. no, never.  
DAVE IS A TEAM-KILLING PRICK: i have standards.  
GAM IS A TEAM-KILLING TWAT:   
GAM IS A TEAM-KILLING TWAT: i  
GAM IS A TEAM-KILLING TWAT: wow dude i think i need some burn salve  
honk: i got bored of my nickname.  
caw: thats a mood  
caw: anyway i just dunno what to address you as  
honk: and my name doesnt suit?  
caw: not saying it doesnt   
caw: just trying to put you in a box  
honk: can i lie across the boxes like a meowbeast?  
caw:   
caw: you know what never mind  
caw: let me open a server w a music bot then we vc while listening to some sweet jams  
honk: you can do that?  
caw: yeah  
caw: join me  
caw: disc.me/Jz894mE  
honk: joined.

* * *

terminallyCapricious fell from a high place!

~{MOD}~TT: Hmm. I wonder what happened there.  
~{MOD}~TT: It’s unlikely I’ll get any answers out of Dave. I’ll just figure it out by deduction.  
~{MOD}~TT: ...  
~{MOD}~TT: Oh, that’s just stupid.  
AG: Did you figure out what happened, Lalonde?  
~{MOD}~TT: I did.  
~{MOD}~TT: And it’s stupid.  
AG:   
AG: Why has Gamzee changed his IM nickname to ‘Dave is a Team-Killing prick’?  
~{MOD}~TT: Because, until just now, Dave had previously changed his own IM nickname to ‘Bare my clown young ICP’.  
~{MOD}~TT: Then Makara walked himself off of a cliff.  
AG: Are you saying the key to defeating Gamzee is just teasing him a8out whatever the fuck an ‘ICP’ is? 8ecause I think he reeeeeeeeally h8s them!  
~{MOD}~TT: That he does, Vriska.  
~{MOD}~TT: That he does.

turntechGodhead has been slain by terminallyCapricious!

~{MOD}~TT: Seriously?

* * *

caw opened server: “Sweet Jams”

honk has entered the server!

BEATBOXBOOMBOXBOT#3748 has entered the server!

caw#0312’s nickname is now DAVE

honk#0057’s nickname is now GAMZEE

BEATBOXBOOMBOXBOT#3748’s nickname is now Jammin

DAVE: there everything is set up  
GAMZEE: how do we use the bot?  
DAVE: !enter  
Jammin: You need to be in a voice channel first!  
GAMZEE: sweet.  
DAVE: lets get jammi-  
DAVE: YO WHAT THE FUCK  
GAMZEE: REVENGE, MOTHERFUCKER.  
DAVE: PRICK!

* * *

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arsenicCatnip [AC] at 04:13! --

EB: oh, shit!  
EB: im sorry i missed your text nepeta  
EB: what did you want?

arsenicCatnip [AC] is offline!

EB: fuck!!!!

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering arsenicCatnip [AC] at 04:13! --

* * *

[DAVE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTQbiNvZqaY): oh my god  
DAVE: is this what i think it is  
GAMZEE: so what if it is?  
DAVE: oh my god  
GAMZEE: you called?  
DAVE: oh shut the fuck up makara  
GAMZEE: i mean if you really dont like my song choice, there is one thing you could do, motherfucker.  
DAVE: and whats that?  
GAMZEE: get over it.  
GAMZEE: oh my god. you’re sleep deprived to _fuck_ if that shitty joke is making you laugh _that_ hard.  
DAVE: shut   
DAVE: up   
DAVE: oh my god  
DAVE: im more annoyed that i _like_ this shitty ass meme song  
GAMZEE: honk.  
DAVE: dont chu honk at me  
GAMZEE: i’ll honk where i wanna!  
DAVE: 350 dollar penalty for honking  
DAVE: dont honk  
GAMZEE: :o(  
DAVE: how did you _vocalise_ that?  
GAMZEE: oh, you know ;o)  
DAVE: _THAT DOESNT FUCKING HELP GAMZEE, OH MY GOD_  
GAMZEE: must be some kind of MiRaClE, motherfucker.  
GAMZEE: a motherfucking mIrAcLe.  
DAVE: brb i need to grab something  
GAMZEE: kay.  
GAMZEE: what the fuck are you even grabbin at bro, oh my god.  
GAMZEE: sounds like your searching for buried treasure.  
DAVE: there you are you little son of a bitch  
GAMZEE: what???  
DAVE: okay im back and i got it  
GAMZEE: got what exactly???  
DAVE: youll see in like 34 seconds  
GAMZEE: uh, what the fuck?  
DAVE: i cant tell you yet it will ruin the surprise  
DAVE: wait like 15 seconds  
GAMZEE: uhhhh?  
DAVE: TOOT TOOT TOOT TOOT TOOT TOOT TOOT TOot ToOt   
GAMZEE: OHMY GOD?!  
DAVE: TOOTTOOTTOOT TOOT Toot toot toot  
DAVE: TOOT TOOt TOOT TOOT TOOTTOOTTOOT!!!  
DAVE: judging by that sound of you hitting your head on the keyboard im gonna say you liked that surprise  
GAMZEE: I HATE YOU I HATE YOU OH MY GOD I HATE YOU!!  
DAVE: youre the one who played the song in the first place, buddy.  
GAMZEE: SHUT UP!  
DAVE: also youre laughing so you cant hate me _that_ much  
GAMZEE: SHUT UP SHUT UP OH MY GOD-  
GAMZEE: you killed me AGAIN!!!!  
DAVE: damn you sure aint lucky today  
GAMZEE: i blame you.  
DAVE: i guess you could say that its gonna take a lot to drag me away from you  
GAMZEE: stop.  
DAVE: theres nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do to stop me  
GAMZEE: _please_ stop.  
DAVE: i bless the rains down in africa  
GAMZEE: i guess the rains down in africa...  
DAVE: i guess?  
GAMZEE: the rains down in africa!!  
DAVE: i bless the rains~  
GAMZEE: I G-bLESS THE RAAAAAINS DOWN IN AAAAFRICA-  
GAMZEE: I BLESS THE RAINS~  
DAVE: I BLESS THE RAAAAINS DOWN IN AAAAFRICAAAAAAAA!  
GAMZEE: IT’S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO DO THE-  
DAVE: THINGS WE NEVER   
DAVE: HAAAAAAD!!!!!!  
GAMZEE: HAAAAAAD!!!!!!  
GAMZEE: DO DU do dudo dodo do doooo!  
DAVE: do dudo dodo do dooo  
DAVE:   
GAMZEE:  
DAVE: so  
GAMZEE: huh.  
DAVE: uh  
GAMZEE: so.  
DAVE: well  
GAMZEE: uh.  
DAVE: that happened  
GAMZEE: sure did dave.  
GAMZEE: sure did.  
DAVE:   
GAMZEE:   
DAVE:   
DAVE: ok that bullshit we just pulled will never leave the sanctity of this call agreed?  
GAMZEE: agreed.  
DAVE: good  
DAVE:  
DAVE: heh  
DAVE: i cant believe you dont know the words to totos africa of all things  
GAMZEE: oh go fuck yourself.  
GAMZEE: it sounds like guess!  
DAVE: thats fair and all but its not guess its bless  
GAMZEE: mmmmmmmMMMMM  
DAVE: did  
DAVE: did you just fucking kill me for telling you the right words?   
GAMZEE: what? never!  
DAVE: you liar  
DAVE: you fucking petty ass liar!  
GAMZEE: ce la vie.  
DAVE: you dont even know what that means  
GAMZEE: that just how it be on this bitch of a planet.  
DAVE: hh  
DAVE: oh shut up  
GAMZEE: honk honk honk!  
GAMZEE: winky face.  
DAVE: hhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
GAMZEE: YOU BASTARD!  
DAVE: SAYS THE PETTY BITCH

* * *

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT] at 04:50! --

EB: hey when nepeta comes online, can you wake me up?  
EB: i keep missing her because i have a really bad sleep schedule right now.  
CT: D --> I’ll try my best to remember to  
CT: D --> ...   
CT: D --> Why do you wish to converse with her?   
EB: weirdly, she wanted to converse with me!  
EB: but i have absolutely no idea what she wants though, and it doesnt help that i keep missing her! :(  
CT: D --> Well darn  
CT: D --> If you can e%cuse the language  
EB: it has been e%cused. (hehehehe)  
CT: D --> John  
EB: i cant help it, your quirk is adorable!  
CT: D --> _John_  
EB: :B  
EB: now, lets build a giant fortress  
EB: since you have mod powers now  
CT: D --> One fortress coming right up  
EB: we are the BEST at minecraft!  
CT: D --> What is going on with Dave and Makara, may I a%?  
CT: D --> Makara keeps dying  
CT: D --> Then Dave gets slain by Makara shortly afterwards  
CT: D --> It’s happened a lot now in quick succession now  
CT: D --> Do you know?  
EB: equius.  
EB: i have absolutely no idea.  
CT: D --> Pardon my vulgarity, but  
CT: D --> Well _frick_  
EB: ehehehehe :B

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will John and Nepeta ever talk to each other?? Sources say "["Without a Doubt""](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/403547885624360960/440619636535590913/unknown.png)
> 
> (Side note: Please do not comment on the YT video I linked saying you came from here if you're that way inclined because I will literally die and not in the good way. Thank you. And dont do it because i told you not to im being deadly serious rn i dont need that stress.)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 - What happened in-server! Also, a new mini-game has sprung up with more players!
> 
> And what's this? Someone new has joined??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna say I'm back from the dead but i've posted 6 things in the last month, 3 of which were within a week. This is the most regular I've posted fics... ever. It's insane. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy Minecraftstuck 8. AKA 'the one where the other characters that haven't been online in a while come into the light for their own special chapters'

arachnidsGrip [AG] joined the world!

~{MOD}~TT: Welcome back, Vriska.  
AG: Hey, Lalonde. What’s 8een happening while I was away?  
~{MOD}~TT: Well, Dave decided to start a voice chat at 3... no, almost 4 in the morning with Makara of all people.  
AG: W8, what?  
~{MOD}~TT: But other than that, not much has happened in regards to the server.   
AG: I can’t 8elieve Roxy won’t mod me 8ecause of a stupid prank.  
~{MOD}~TT: Pushing a player into a Vriska-Made cave full of player-eating spiders is not exactly what I would call ‘Moderator Material’.  
AG: It’s still a stupid reason.

terminallyCapricious fell from a high place!

~{MOD}~TT: Hmm. I wonder what happened there.

* * *

\-- Mod Chat --

TG: so leik questikn  
TG: dya think wed ever do a fuckjgn hodro map or is that out of the picture  
TG: *horror  
TA: ii don’t actually know, tbh?  
TA: iit’2 goiing down on the lii2t though, maiinly beecau2e ii wiill cry tear2 of joy watchiing kk 2hiit hiim2elf iin fear.  
TG: LOL  
TG: MOOD  
TG: IT IS DEFO GOIN DOWN IN THE LIST OF THINGS TO DO LIKE YEET  
TA: ... yeet?  
TG: yh like yeet  
TG: u know  
TG: dis bitch empty  
TA: Y E E T  
TG: exaCTLY OMG  
TG: U KNEW THE ENTIRE TIME  
TA: >>:3C  
TG: DONT U DARE COLON THREE SEE ME BTCH   
TA: II’LL COLON THREE 2EE ALL II FUCKIIN WANT

* * *

terminallyCapricious drowned in lava!

AG: Pay8ack is a 8itch and I love her.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> I’m the one who a%identally pushed you in lava, though  
AG: IT STILL FUCKING COUNTS AS PAY8ACK, AND KARMA ALSO.  
~{MOD}~TT: That isn’t how karma works, Vriska.   
AG: YEAH IT IS!  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> It really isn’t  
AG: FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!

turntechGodhead got slain by terminallyCapricious!

terminallyCapricious got slain by turntechGodhead!

~{MOD}~TT: Okay, seriously. Did something happen again, or is this just becoming a meme with those two? It’s happening far too often now.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Do you want me to ask  
EB: no, no it’s just a meme  
EB: i think  
AG: Wait, what the hell are you doing over there?  
[BABYMOD]CT: D -->   
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Fortress  
AG: Fortress?  
EB: fortress.  
AG: NOT FAIR, I WANT A FORTRESS.  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Too bad, John a%ed first  
AG: 8ULLSH8T!  
AG: ROSE, WE’RE 8UILDING A FORTRESS!!!!!!!!  
~{MOD}~TT: It is almost 5 in the morning.   
AG: _FORTRESS!!!!!!!!_  
~{MOD}~TT: Okay, fine. 

* * *

TC: ... what the fUcK did i miss.   
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Uhh  
EB: uhhhhh  
AG: F8RTR8SS W8R!!!!!!!!  
[MOD]TT: ]I’ _m_ back fro _m_ _m_ y sleep.[  
~{MOD}~TT: Welcome back, we have started a turf war.   
[MOD]TT: ]A _w_ eso _m_ e. I _w_ ill join John’s tea _m_.[  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Dirk?  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> What, pray tell, are you doing?  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> I w001d like to know   
[MOD]TT: ]It’s _m_ y quirk. _W_ hat, don’t you like it?[  
[BABYMOD]CT:   
[BABYMOD]CT: D -->  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> Please imagine the longest ‘eternal suffering’ sigh here, because that is e%actly what is happening right now  
[MOD]TT: ]Happy Birthday![  
[MOD]TT: ]I’ _m_ a violetblood.[  
[BABYMOD]CT: D -->  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> LIAR  
[MOD]TT: ]Nu-huh, Nepeta said so, so it _m_ ust be true.[  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> @arsenicCatnip _WHY DID YOU ALLOW THIS?_  
AC: 33: < equihiss it is too early fur this go the fuck to sl33p  
AC: :33 < also you cant deny that he isnt violet. you just cant  
[BABYMOD]CT: D --> I hate that you are not incorrect  
AC: :33 < good. now im going back to sl33p  
EB: WAIT  
AC: :33 < oh john i n33d to talk to you  
EB: @ me in 5 hours, kay?  
AC: :33 < okay!!  
TG: what the FUCK is up kyle  
TC: who’s kyle?  
TG: no dude what did you say  
TG: step the FUCK UP kyle  
GC: Y34H ST3P TH3 FUCK UP  
TC: WHO THE FUCK IS KYLE???????  
~{MOD}~TT: How was your voice-chat?  
TG:  
TC:  
TC: fine.  
TG: why wouldnt it be fine, it was perfectly fine  
~{MOD}~TT: Was it really?  
TG: YES IT WAS FINE  
TC: why wouldn’t it be?  
TC: jeeeeeez.  
~{MOD}~TT: If you say so. 

* * *

~{ADMIN}~TG: SUP YALL FUCKS  
~{MOD}~TT: Hello, Roxy.   
GC: H1  
~{ADMIN}~TG: IT IS TIME  
CG: TIME FOR WHAT?  
~{ADMIN}~TG: FOR A NEW SERVER-ENFORCED GAME  
GC: C4N 1 B3 4P4RT OF TH1S ON3?  
~{ADMIN}~TG: fuck yea u can  
~{ADMIN}~TA: roxy and ii are moddiing  
~{ADMIN}~TG: ye, we will be merciful  
~{ADMIN}~TA: and allow more than 8 member2  
~{ADMIN}~TG: not that many, however!!  
~{ADMIN}~TA: 10, maybe 12.  
~{ADMIN}~TG: eyup!  
~{ADMIN}~TG: 10 excludin us two  
~{ADMIN}~TA: woop woop  
~{ADMIN}~TA: liink here: owohwatsthii2.taworld2.org  
GC: FUCK Y34H!!

* * *

twinArmageddons [TA] joined the world! (1/12)  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] joined the world! (2/12)  
gallowsCallibrator [GC] joined the world! (3/12)

GC: SO WH4T 1S TH1S 4NYW4Y?  
TG: ;)  
TA: ;)  
GC:   
GC: OOH.  
GC: >;]  
TG: ;) ;)  
TA: ;) ;)

terminallyCapricious [TC] joined the world! (4/12)

TA: ... gam are you 2ure you can hack thii2 miinii-game?  
TC: i dont know, what is this mini-game?  
TA: lemme dm you  
TC:   
TC: ayiii   
TC: i dont think i can now i think on it and you be tell me that.

turntechGodhead [TG] joined the world! (5/12)

TC:   
TC: nevermind i can hack it.  
TA: no you cant  
TC: i cant but i wanna see his face.  
TG: what the fuck  
TG: why  
TA: ii wiill dm you two dave.  
TG:   
TG:   
TG: okay fair i can see why now  
TC: bro, you ok?  
TG: nah  
TG: im out like a dragon in dragons den

turntechGodhead [TG] left the world! (4/12)

TC: well now i aint got reason to be here.  
TC: gotta see if dave is gonna be ok too.  
TC: ...  
TC: cya.

terminallyCapricious [TC] left the world! (3/12)

TA: that’2 valiid.  
TA: weiird, 2liightly 2u2piiciiou2, but valiid.  
GC: SUSP1C1OUS 1ND33D...

tentacleTherapist [TT] joined the world! (4/12)

TT: I have arrived.

twinArmageddons is now known as [MOD]TA!  
tipsyGnostalgic is now known as [MOD]TG!

timaeusTestified [TT] joined the world! (5/12)  
arachnidsGrip [AG] joined the world! (6/12)

AG: Fuck, I thought more people had joined.   
AG: Now I’m a stupid 6 rather than an 8. 8oo. 8oooooooo.  
TT: ...

golgothasTerror [GT] joined the world! (7/12)

GT: Hello everyone!  
TT: Is it possible to italicise an ellipsis?  
GT: What did i do?  
TT: Nothing, Jake. Absolutely nothing.   
TT: Dirk, do you have some unrequited feelings you can’t seem to remove?  
TT: SHUT UP, ROSE.   
GT: :?  
GC: OH Y1K3S

adiosToreador [AT] joined the world! (8/12)

AT: uH, hELLO,   
AG: Oh, uh.   
AT: uHHH,  
[MOD]TA: no fuckiing fiight2  
AG: 8oo, invalid.  
AT: _yOU’RE INVALID,,,_  
GC: YOU JUST GOT FUCK1NG OWN3D, VR1SK4.   
[MOD]TA: obliiterated.  
AG: Hello, 911, I’m 8eing 8ullied in my own home.  
AT: mORE LIKE,   
AT: ,,  
AT: dAMN, i HAD A REALLY GOOD REPLY, bUT NOW i CAN’T REMEMBER IT, aND ALL i CAN THINK OF SOUNDS STUPID,  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha  
AT: yEAH YEAH, lAUGH IT UP, iT WILL BE THE ONLY TIME YOU GET TO, aFTER i OBLITERATE YOU, oNCE MORE,   
AT: sHAME aRADIA DOESN’T LIKE mINECRAFT,  
[MOD]TA: 2he doe2 liike miinecraft, 2he ju2t can’t get iit workiing on her laptop.  
AT: wAIT, rEALLY?

apocalypseArisen joined the world! (9/12)

apocalypseArisen: ~[AA]

apocalypseArisen is now known as AA!

AA: SUCCESS!!!!!!! 0u0  
AT: aRADIA,!!!  
AG: Aradia????????  
GC: H3Y, 4R4D1A! >:]  
[MOD]TA: hey aa. you got iit two work??  
AA: this piece of junk has still got life in it yet!  
[MOD]TA: god you really need to joiin the maiin 2erver  
AA: oh, ill deal with that later!  
GC: YOULL H4VE FUN 1N M1N3CR4FT. 1TS 4LL 4BOUT M1N1NG 4ND C4V3 D1GG1NG  
AA: holy shit really???  
AA: cool!! 0u0  
GT: It well and truly is!  
AA: i cant wait!!!  
[MOD]TA: ii’ll dm you aa, ju2t 2o you know what youre gettiing iin two.  
AA:   
AA: thats fine sollux, jeez stop worrying!!  
AA: itll be kinda fun actually!!! 0u0   
AA: i like watching the world burn :D  
[MOD]TA: aa ii wiill never understand you.  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, what the fuck???????? 

gardenGnostic [GG] joined the world! (10/12)

GG: bout time one of these minigames happened while i was awake!!!!   
GG: you meanies always do them while im asleep, shame on you all!!!!!  
[MOD]TG: SORRY JADEY!!! :(:(:(:(  
[MOD]TG: we all have shitty sleeping schedules and we should aspire 2 b u ngl  
[MOD]TG: btu like gurl u aint been online in fucking years  
GG: ive been busy!!!!!  
[MOD]TG: w what????  
GG: uhhhhhh  
GG: NEVER MIND THAT!!!!!!!!  
GG: what are we waiting for????  
[MOD]TA: 2 more people, maiinly.  
GG: can they HURRY UP????????????????  
TT: Patience, young Jade.   
GG: PATIENCE CAN EAT MY ASS, IM EXCITED!! I WANNA START NOW!!! jeeeeez  
TT: You sound like an excitable puppy.   
GG: I AM AN EXCITED PUPPY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!!!  
TT: I have never been more weirded out about being right in my entire life, what the fuck.   
TT: Welcome to the human Beta session, Jade is half her pet dog.   
TT:  
TT: Wait what?  
TT: How do I not know this?  
GT: Maybe its because you rarely leave the house my good buddy!  
TT:  
AT: oHHH, sNAAPPPP,   
TT: Hello police? I’ve just been murdered.  
[MOD]TA: 2houldn’t you bee wiith your boyfriiend2?  
TT: They’re busy.   
TT: John’s talking to Nepeta, and Equius is working on some latent projects he’s forgotten about.   
TT: So here I am, alone.   
[MOD]TG: thats so sad..........  
TT: Don’t you fucking dare, Rolal.   
[MOD]TG: alexa,,,,   
TT: No.   
[MOD]TG: play despacito,,  
TT: God damn it.   
GG: :? whats despacito???  
[MOD]TG:   
[MOD]TG: it’s times like this that i forget that your planet fucked itself over in 2009  
[MOD]TG: quality memes missed ;u;  
[MOD]TG: RIP.  
TT: I had to teach Dave what dabbing was.   
TT: It was both a heart wrenching and heartwarming experience.   
TT: I taught him ironically, of course. Because I would never dab unironically.   
[MOD]TG: ofc you wouldnt  
TT: Exactly. 

gutsyGumshoe [GG] joined the world! (11/12)

GG: Hello, all! Lovely to be back around. Good gosh, I’ve been as busy as a worker bee lately!  
GG: How have you all been anyway? I’m personally just glad to get some good respite, hoohoo.  
TT: Hey, Jane.   
GG: Hello buster.   
TT: Uh oh.   
GG: Is there a reason you never told me about the fact that _you’re dating what is essentially both my grandson and grandfather?_  
TT: Oh, right. Must have slipped my mind. Yeah, uh.   
TT: Yeah.   
GG: Just to let you know if you hurt him I will not hesitate to hurt you in return.  
[MOD]TG: she wont hesitate btch  
TT: J-Jane, it’s not what you think!  
GG: ... What?  
TT: Oh, don’t worry. I was quoting yet another thing us future losers understand that you all do not. Unfortunate.   
[MOD]TG: sOBS

carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined the world! (12/12)

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?  
[MOD]TG: oh, just a conversation pieve  
CG:   
CG: A CONVERSATION ABOUT *WHAT*?  
[MOD]TG: y’know its just someone just says smth like  
TT: ‘What the fuck is this’?  
[MOD]TG: yh exaclty  
CG:   
CG: SHOULD I JUST LEAVE? IS THAT WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?  
[MOD]TA: nah, wiith you here we can _fiinally_ 2tart.   
CG:   
CG: START WHAT, EXACTLY????

Game-mode set to Survival

Game-level set to Hard

MiniGame: Survival Of The Fittest has begun!

[MOD]TA: the dead 2tay dead.  
[MOD]TG: dont get stared!!!  
[MOD]TG: *scared lol

timaeusTestified fell through the world!

[MOD]TG: ...  
[MOD]TA: ...  
[MOD]TG: sdafbdfsjk  
[MOD]TA: you diidn’t even make iit two the be2t part  
[MOD]TG: brb dyign   
[MOD]TA: you diidn’t even make it to _a_ part  
[MOD]TA: you ju2t iimmediiately fell through the world.  
[MOD]TA: ii’m re2pawniing you ju2t thii2 once, a2 an exceptiion. don’t make the 2ame mii2take agaiin.  
TT: Not my fault.   
TT: Someone put a hole in my way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically, the first part of this has been in the making since May, but the bigger bulk of it (I.e. from TA saying 'ii don't actually know') came from the last 4 days or so. 
> 
> Hope u enjoyed! I kept up with what I am calling the so-called tradition, too - These chapters always seem to end with a comment from Dirk, John, or Equius. 
> 
> ... and Dirk falling through the world has become a meme now. This has gone pearshaped. There's no other way out. I'm going to have to fall through the world.
> 
> Next chapter: John and Nepeta have a chat! and the adventures in the mini-game!! And what the fuck is happening with Dave and Gam??


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The spookiest Chapter of them all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ironically, i didn't plan this to be released today but last week i realised i could but then decided to write almost all of this chapter today lmao

[[MOD]TG:](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6-ZGAGcJrk) spookpy scary skeleingents, snd shivers down your spine  
[MOD]TG: shreekin skulls will shock ur soul and seal ur doom 2night  
[MOD]TA: 2pooky 2cary 2keleton2 2peak wiith 2uch a 2creech.  
[MOD]TA: youll 2hake and 2hudder iin 2urprii2e when you hear the2e zombiie2 2hriiek.  
[MOD]TG: that song is butured by ur quirk u kno  
[MOD]TA: we’re 2o 2orry 2keleton2 youre 2o mii2under2tood; you only want two 2ociialii2e but ii dont thiink we 2hould!  
[MOD]TA: cau2e 2pooky 2cary 2keleton2 2hout 2tartliing 2hriily 2cream2  
[MOD]TG: theyll sneeek from their sarcocphangus and jus wnt leave u b  
[MOD]TA: lmao ii phy2iically cant 2iing that 2ong wiithout lii2piing iit 2uck2.  
TT: The song’s ruined now and it’s all your fault.   
[MOD]TA: oh go fall through the world agaiin  
TT: ... That happened once already. It won’t happen again.  
GG: Or will it?   
TT: It won’t.  
GG: Stranger things have happened, Mr. Strider.   
GG: Hoo hoo hoo!  
TT: I do not like the sound of those ‘hoo hoo hoo’s, Ms. Crocker.  
GG: :B  
AA: i know this is only my first ever server game on my laptop but this is probably the best one i have ever been in!!  
[MOD]TA: aa plea2e youre 2cariing me.  
[MOD]TA: youre 2uppo2ed to be 2cared by the game  
AA: 0u0!  
[MOD]TA: _AA_  
GT: JUMPING JEHOSAPHATS  
AT: oH,, gOD,,,,,  
AT: tHAT, wAS A CLOSE ONE,  
GT: Youre gosh well right it was!  
GT: That little so-and-so came out of nowhere!   
AG: Ha!!!!!!!! A little creeper spawning scared the living daylights out of you two!  
AG: That’s hilariouOH GOD THAT’S LAVA  
GC: 1 W4RN3D YOU VR1SK4  
GC: 1 W4RN3D YOU 4BOUT M1N1NG D1R3CTLY DOWN.  
AG: I didn’t die though!  
GC: >:\   
AT: dAMN,,  
CG: BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP. DON’T FUCKING DO THAT AGAIN VRISKA, YOU COULD GET KILLED.  
AG: It’s a video game, Karkat.  
CG: AND SOLLUX SAID THE DEAD STAY DEAD. NOW IF YOU EXCUSE ME, I HAVE   
GG: KARKAT YOU ASS  
CG: OH *****FUCK!!!*****  
GG: >:(  
GG: i could have DIED back there!!! bark!!  
CG:   
CG: DID YOU JUST TYPE BARK?  
GG: KARKAT.  
CG: WHOOPS. SORRY. I’LL SAVE YOU LIKE THE FUCKING KNIGHT IN SHIMMERING ARMOUR I AM.  
[MOD]TA: 3.  
CG: COME AT ME YOU SHITPAN FUCKS!!!!!!!!  
[MOD]TA: 2.  
CG: SOLLUX WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU COUNTING DOWN?  
TT: Oh, dear.  
[MOD]TA: 1.  
CG: OH FUCKING SDFKFHKLHG  
AG: WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT 

carcinoGeneticist was killed by a horde of Skeletons!  
arachnidsGrip burnt to death!

GT: Ah!!!  
AT: sORRY,,

golgothasTerror was killed in a Creeper explosion!

GT: It’s alright i forgive you.  
CG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK  
AG: OH H8LL N8.  
[MOD]TA: welcome to the Dead Bay, you three. Now 2hut up and watch the 2creen2.  
GG: karkat you lil bitch  
CG: WHAT NOW, JADE.  
GG: you didnt even kill all of them!! :( :(   
CG: UGH, I’M SORRY I FAILED TO KILL 50 SKELETONS COMING AFTER ME AT ONCE.  
GG: its ok i forgive you  
GC: 1 W4RN3D YOU!!!!!  
AG: I G8T IT.  
GC: >:]  
TT: This has turned into a disaster.   
TT: Now I am stuck.   
TT: What’s up Rose?  
TT: I’ve accidentally triggered a trap. Now I am trapped in a room full of water slowly filling and I can’t seem to get out of it.   
TT: Break the glass?  
TT: The sign outside says “Please do not break the glass, there is another way out”.   
TT: Maybe there’s another way out which involves floating.   
TT: Perhaps.   
[MOD]TG: :) :)   
[MOD]TA: :) :)  
GG: :B   
GG: Hoo hoo hoo.  
TT: Jane... Please tell me that’s not you behind me.   
GG: :B  
TT: JANE.  
GG: Have a safe trip!  
TT: How could you do this to me.

timaeusTestified has fell through the world!

[MOD]TG: hAHAHAHAHAHAHA JANY U FOUND IT   
GG: The note was too kind! How could I refuse such a polite request?  
[MOD]TA: fuckiing amaziing.  
[MOD]TA: 4/10. not two 2habby.  
AA: 0o0 who do youll think will be next?  
[MOD]TA: you know what aa? ii ju2t dont know.

* * *

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:58! --

TC: bro  
TC: are you like  
TC: gonna be okay?   
TG:   
TG: ill be fine bro  
TG: dw abt me lmao  
TC: but you see you can’t say that  
TC: because now i’m worried.  
TG: why tho  
TC: because  
TC:  
TC: we’re friends aren’t we?  
TG: i mean  
TG: earlier you literally said ‘can i lie across the boxes like a meowbeast’ so like  
TG: are we really classing each other as friends now?  
TC: ...  
TC: i mean   
TC: i guess i class you as my friend.  
TG: you guess?  
TC: i guess yeah.  
TC: i dunno bro, i’m just majorly worried about you i think?  
TC: because   
TC: idk ok?!  
TC: i guess it’s more you jumped the fuck out of that game super fast and now i’m worried i overstepped a boundary or somethin but now i’m just more worried about your wellbeing?  
TC: it’s fuckin’ scary.  
TG: pff  
TG: bro   
TG: im fine  
TG: dont get your stupid clown pants in a twist  
TC: but ya ain’t!  
TG:  
TG:  
TC: don’t.  
TG: yaint  
TC: shut the fuck up you legit say y’all in real life.  
TG: SHUT  
TC: YOU ALL ARE NOT.  
TG: Y A I N T  
TC: y’all’re not.  
TG:  
TG: ugh fine  
TG: im   
TG: glad   
TG: that you decided to speak to me though  
TG: and see if i was alright  
TG: its appreciated  
TC: it’s because i’m worried!  
TG: and you have no need to be lmao  
TG: but hey   
TG: its valid  
TG:  
TG: okay   
TG: fine.  
TG: maybe im not that fine  
TC: :o?  
TG: my house is giving me the heebie-jeebies.   
TC: wow.  
TC:  
TC: you wanna come over?  
TC: like you don’t gotta but like.  
TC: if you really want.  
TC: you can stay at my place?  
TC: if you want?  
TG:  
TG: i feel like your place will just worsen the heebie-jeebies   
TG: like i can give a good estimate of the amount of clown shit you probably have  
TG: at least the size of jake english’s movie collection  
TG: not to mention the sheer amount of bicycle horns  
TG: one surprise honk from one of those and ill accidentally time jump so far ill end up in fucking 1950s paris  
TC: dave  
TG: visit the eiffel tower  
TG: hey dave how did you get here? someone says  
TG: id be like  
TG: oh a honk from a bicycle horn scared me so hard i jumped from america to here  
TG: dave  
TG: theyd say  
TG: what the fuck  
TG: and ill just say  
TG: blame gamzee makaras stupidly large collection of horns.   
TG: do you want that?  
TG: do you want to be the blame for that?  
TG: my point is i dont want to be in my house on my own right now it feels creepy as fuck atm  
TG: and its fucking annoying   
TC: dave  
TG: so i dunno what else to do other than complain massively or do the deathly thing of leaving the house  
TG: staying in doesnt seem appetising but neither does leaving  
TG: so like  
TC: DAVE.  
TG: what  
TC: do you want me to come over.  
TG:  
TG:  
TG: youd do that?  
TC: .  
TC: dave you are going to be the death of me, and i mean that in the literal case and not the countless times i died in minecraft because of you.  
TG: i just didnt think youd want to come over  
TG: what   
TG: is that a crime?  
TC: _i literally offered for you to come to my hive dave why would i refuse to go to yours?_  
TG: idk like  
TG: maybe you prefer your own company?  
TC:  
TC: i   
TC: uh.  
TG: im right arent i  
TC: no  
TC: uh   
TC: i actually prefer company because being alone means im alone with my thoughts which isn’t great.  
TG:   
TG: how did you get your text so tiny?  
TC: idk i just fuckin  
TC: pressed the subscript button i guess?  
TG:   
TG: what the fuck this is amazing.  
TC: ehehehehehehe honk  
TG: $250 penalty  
TC: Do:  
TG: also yeah idm you comin over   
TC: :oD  
TC: i am on my way.  
TG: wait what?  
TG: oh god  
TG: bro  
TG: im not even wearing pants  
TC: pants are overrated anyway  
TC: plus that just means i dont have to wear pants when i get there  
TG: bro  
TC: what?  
TC: bros don’t have to wear pants around each other.  
TG: that sounds p gay bro  
TC: it’s not gay; we’re bros.  
TG: bro...   
TG: wanna like watch a movie or smth? it is the Legendary Fright Night   
TC: sounds chill  
TC:   
TC: no puppets.  
TG: fucking AGREED.  
TG: wait does that mean that the nightmare before christmas is out of bounds or is that fine  
TC: they’re not puppet puppets they’re different in the semantics.  
TG: cool   
TG: well go ahead and watch that shit  
TC:   
TC: :o)  
TG: so  
TG: see ya?  
TC: wha  
TC: OH  
TC: yeah bye   
TC: IMMA BE THERE SOOn.

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 13:47! --

TG: heh  
TG: cute  
TG: wait what

* * *

GC: HOW M4NYS TH4T NOW?  
[MOD]TA: 6/10 tz.  
[MOD]TA: 2tiill not two 2habby.  
AT: aT LEAST i DIED, AFTER vRISKA,  
[MOD]TA: you diied more valiiantly two.   
[MOD]TA: good job AT.  
AT: }:)  
AG: Oh, shove off.   
AT: oKAY, i’LL SHOVE OFF, bECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY, aRE SCARED OF ME, lOL,,  
AG: I WILL kill you again.  
[MOD]TA: vrii2ka plea2e do not kiill the dead.  
AG: 8ut I already _am_ dead!!!!!!!!  
TT: Vriska, please.  
AG: Shove it, Rose, you’re dead too.   
TT: I didn’t burn to death though, did I?  
AG: No, you drowned.  
TT: I still have no idea how that worked out like that.  
[MOD]TA: me eiither. how the fuck diid you e2cape the water level wiithout drowniing only two drown afterward2??  
TT: I suppose the same applies to Dirk and falling through the world.  
TT: Twice.   
TT: In the same game.  
TT: In my defence, the second time I was pushed.  
TT: Was it the same hole, Dirk?  
TT: .  
TT: No.   
GG: It sure was, bucko! You dug that hole yourself, and you fell to your death with it!  
TT: Jane, please.  
GG: Revenge, Mister!  
TT: What did I even  
TT: .  
TT: Oh.  
GG: :B  
TT: I am sorry I did not tell you about my relationship with your grandpa/grandson.  
TT: Will you forgive me?  
GG: It depends. Are you willing to beg?  
TT: Jane, you literally killed me.  
GG: :B  
TT: Jane, do _not_ give me that look.  
GG: :B  
TT: Jane.  
GG: :B :B

timaeusTestified disconnected!

[MOD]TG: janey?  
[MOD]TG: wht did u do?  
GG: Oh, nothing for you to be worried about! Now if you excuse me, I have a meeting with a cream pie and a pigeon. Be right back!  
[MOD]TG: JANEY

gutsyGumshoe is idle!

[MOD]TA: ... ii2. ii2 that 2even?  
[MOD]TG: good lort.   
[MOD]TG: its not 7 yet...  
GG: fuck!!!!!!!!!

gardenGnostic was killed by a skeleton!

GG: not a word  
CG: HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!  
CG: KARMA.  
GG: what did i JUST SAY!!!!! BARK!!!  
CG: JADE, CALM THE FUCK DOWN.  
GG: grrr.   
CG: JADE.  
GG: :( :( :( :(   
CG: DON’T YOU DARE GIVE ME THAT LOOK.   
GG: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(   
CG:   
CG: UGHHHHHHGHGHHH  
CG: COME HERE.  
GG: :D  
[MOD]TA: gro22.  
CG: FUCK OFF.   
GG: sollux youre just jealous that you dont have someone to give you head scritches.   
[MOD]TA: A2DFGJGLLK2K??  
[MOD]TA: II AM NOT!  
AA: you never come over anymore   
AA: im worried you dont want head scritches anymore 0n0  
[MOD]TA: AA THAT’2 NOT EVEN REMOTELY TRUE  
AA: why would i lie about this though?  
AA: it seems like a stupid thing to lie about  
AA: especially because i sort of miss your stupid ass coming over occasionally for head scritches  
[MOD]TA: I DON’T HAVE HEAD 2CRIITCHE2 THII2 II2 2LANDER  
AA: is it?  
[MOD]TG: to me it sounds like some1 needs head scritches  
[MOD]TA: II DON’T. NEED. HEAD 2CRIITCHE2.   
GC: 1 DONT KNOW, SOLLUX  
GC: YOU S33M L1K3 YOU N33D SOM3TH1NG >:\  
[MOD]TA: II DON’T NEED 2HOO2HIING EIITHER.

gutsyGumshoe is no longer idle!

GG: Oh, £#@$%.

gutsyGumshoe was killed by a zombie!

[MOD]TA: .   
[MOD]TA: 8/10.  
[MOD]TA: who’2 2tiill aliive?  
GC: M3.  
AA: me!  
[MOD]TA: ..  
[MOD]TA: okay you two wiin ii’m not moddiing anymore.   
GC: WH4T DO 1 W1N?  
[MOD]TA: ab2olutely nothiing.  
[MOD]TA: enjoy.   
AA: sollux  
[MOD]TA: 20 boonbuck2.   
GC: SW33T!  
AA: nice!  
[MOD]TG: we were givign away moneyt???  
[MOD]TA: no we were goiing to keep goiing untiil everyone diied but ii’m 2iick of moddiing riight now.   
[MOD]TG: whale shit.   
[MOD]TA: whale 2hiit ii2 correct.   
[MOD]TA: thank2 for playiing, everyone.   
GG: It was fun! 

* * *

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 14:25! --

AC: :33 < its been over 5 hours john!!   
EB: it sure has nepeta!   
EB: what do you wanna talk about?  
AC: :33 < the fact that mewre dating my meowrail!  
EB: oh, ahaha  
EB: are you gonna do the Thing  
AC: :?? < huh?  
EB: you know!  
EB: The Thing!!  
EB: the ‘hurt my moirails heart and i will enjoy slicing your throat and watching the blood pour out while you wither in pain and slowly lose your life’ thing!  
EB: though for me it has to be a pretty Just reason if i were to actually die  
EB: or like  
EB: id just keep suffering your wrath or something hahaha  
AC: :||  
AC: :|| < john are you ok?  
EB: of course i am!  
AC: :// < well there goes my plans to scare you into not hurting my meowrail  
AC: :II < youre so morbid sometimes!!! Ughhhh  
AC: :// < ... now what?  
EB: uhh  
EB: ... im sorry you werent able to scare me?  
AC: :II < no its ok i just expected you to be more...   
AC: :II < sheltered?  
EB: im not sheltered!  
EB: look, i can try to like... you know. help you scare me? i would never do anything to hurt your moirail anyway - he seems too nice to do that!   
EB: im still sorry you couldnt scare me though.  
AC: :33 < its ok i furgive you  
AC: :33 < this time  
AC: :33 < but the next time you cross me i want to let you know that i can and will find ways of making you suffer!  
AC: :33 < and not efurn physically!   
EB: sounds great! :B   
AC: X(( < JOHN  
EB: oh shit, sorry!  
AC: X(( < you are actually worse than equius with this oh my god  
AC: :// < you need a meowrail, john  
EB: :/   
EB: i think im okay in that regard but thanks for the advice anyway!  
AC: :// < john...   
EB: i am!  
AC: :// < well   
AC: :|| < if you say so...  
EB: and i do!  
AC: :33 < then i wont bother you much with it!  
EB: thanks!   
AC: :33 < i WILL scare you one day though  
EB: nepeta i am kind of scared of you anyway so dont worry about it, really  
AC: :33 < you sure?  
EB: yep!   
AC: :33 < ok! good talk john  
EB: you too!   
EB: speak to you soon!  
AC: :33 < h33h33! bye!   
EB: bye!

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 14:44! --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spoopy! 
> 
> the only character not in this chapter is equius!


End file.
